Window Shopping at the (Sky) Mall

Raise your hand if you've ever shopped SkyMall.

Believe it or not, as a chronic catalog/ online/ infomercial/ home-shopping-TV addict, I have never shopped the SkyMall. I mean, sure I've perused longingly through every page, because I love catalogs that provide flimsy, plastic, Made-in-China solutions to problems you didn't even know you had.

I do have a SkyMall travel alarm clock that was gifted to me as a Christmas present (and some cash tucked into the box!), but I've never actually made a purchase.

So PLEASE TELL ME! I want to know what you've bought off of SkyMall.

No judging, I swear.

I swear on my HSN Club Card.




P.S. This is in response to Chris's Rollins's blog today about whether or not to dress up her 1-year old for Halloween... yes, also available at SkyMall.





Uh, HI! SO CUTE!

From The Archives: "Supereasy Last Minute Costume Ideas"

This gem is from last Halloween, and as I perused last year's offerings and realized they're still viable, AOL has also updated their offerings, so click on the link for GLEE ideas and other uber-timely trendy costumes....


From the Archives: Supereasy Last Minute Costume Ideas



Got these costume ideas from AOL.COM, slightly tongue-in-cheek but I think these could actually be pulled off. Like this one:

Ingredients: "A scraggly beard (often referred to as a 'creepy, flesh-colored beard'), plenty of hair gel and a slew of nonsensical sayings to utter incessantly while you speak about yourself in the third person."

Voila!

Your Costume is: The Jerky and Infamous SPENCER PRATT!

"Since Spencer is known internationally as the king of douchery -- and since he's talked about legally changing his name to King Spencer -- why not don a fake gold crown and a custom T-shirt with the simple phrase 'D-BAG.' "

ISN'T THAT BRILLIANT?! And esp supereasy, if you look anything like the guy!

"If you still think it's not obvious enough, bring a surgically-enhanced blonde pal with you to be your Heidi and pay off paparazzi (friends with cameras) to follow you around all night as you strike fake poses."



How about Paula Abdul?


The site's suggestion for channeling a really good Paula: "...all about the attitude: Randomly jump around and start dancing, while throwing your hands in the air... randomly start spouting nonsensical phrases like 'Simon always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon finds the corn flake always finds the melon and one of you didn't pick the right fortune' ... randomly start slurring your speech and nodding off... you get the idea. Act craz ... uh, enthusiastic and spirited."


They've also got great ideas for being characters from The Vampire Diaries, Glee, Gossip Girl, and Dexter.

And by "great" of course I mean, no one will get your costume right away, and they'll all think you're a lunatic, but at least you won't be the jerk at the party wearing street clothes.


That'll be me.

Remember When They Used To Make...

Imagine that, a world without toilet paper rolls.

OK, don't panic. We'll still have toilet paper, but we won't get the cardboard roll in the middle. Just read that Scott toilet paper has a "tubeless toilet paper" -- where they wound up the TP in a certain way that doesn't require a cardboard tube in the middle.

Oh, just look at us. Mankind, so environmentally-friendly. Pretty soon, no carboard rolls in any type of paper product that comes on a roll. Just great.

Why do I not seem excited about this progress that we've made?

Because. Because of the kids. Yes, kids. What will kids use now for arts & crafts projects that require those leftover cardboard tubes? Don't tell me they'll actually have to be sold back to us in a craft store? Heck no, I'm not paying for that! That stuff's supposed to come for free... when I'm done with my toilet paper!!

This is an economic injustice, I tell ya!!!

And let's talk about the other ways that our "great progress" has really been a hit to the artsing & crafting segment of the population: the invention of other hot-weather treats that have made popsicles less popular over the years? Yeah, guess what. Now, no more LEFTOVER POPSICLE STICKS! Single-use coffee makers & plastic containers for ground coffee?? Where am I supposed to find "empty coffee cans" when the need arises?

I especially don't like the fact that little kindergarteners worldwide no longer bring home styrofoam Christmas ornaments they cut out of stuff they found in the trash. Is styrofoam even made anymore, or has it already been outlawed?!

My personal displeasure: wanting a twist-tie, and not knowing where to find out. Damn you, clever trashbag manufacturers for building the tie into the bag itself.

So sad. I think the end of the twist tie is near. If you have any left in your junk drawers, hold on to them for dear life. They'll probably be worth something in another year or two.

Worst Halloween Stories?

Out of all the things that could go wrong on Halloween, at least my personal worst wasn't even really a Halloween story.

When I was twelve, I got my first pair of contact lenses on Halloween. Lucky me, I got the soft contacts that you only had to clean by using a literal slow-cooker for several hours. After the unit was completely cooled down, you could take the contacts out and plop 'em in your eyes. Only seven hours, tops!

Except that first time out, I was in a rush, and knowing that it still took me about a half hour to put a contact into one eye, I really didn't think lukewarm contacts would be a problem.

Popped those babies in, and went on my way.

Twelve years old, and cruising the hood for the first time without my glasses. You have to know how bad-ass I felt. Plus, I was dressed as a "punk-rocker"... which was a very popular/easy costume in the 80's... because it meant getting to wear outrageous makeup, all my favorite day-glo clothes, and teasing my hair to my heart's content, and then stuffing my rat's nest hair into a massive banana clip.

Life was good.

Until my one eye started to get irritated. So I gently rubbed. Prodded. Poked. Rubbed more. Prodded more. And when the blurry vision stopped, I realized my eye was hurting. So I prodded some more... until I looked at my finger... and saw ... HALF A CONTACT LENS on my fingertip.

Couldn't find the other half the lens.

(I later learned from eye doctor years later, "If you lose your contact in your eye, don't panic. Remember, what goes up must come down." Screw you, Sir Isaac Newton. Dr. Shapiro knows things.)

My evening of awesome got cut short because I couldn't see in one eye, couldn't find the other half of my contact, and was freaking out because I couldn't tell my parents.

See, back then, you couldn't just ring up 1-800-CONTACTS and get a new pair the next day, because basically the internet didn't exist. Getting contacts was a seriously big deal. Like a $$$$BIG$$$$ deal.

Long story short, the other half was indeed still in my eye, and I spent the next few months wearing glasses, or wearing one contact, and I managed to avoid getting busted.

So there it is, my personal Worst Halloween Story.

Anybody else got one? At least a better one?

Make Your Own Reality Show

I would never pretend that I don't like Reality Shows, because I do watch a good portion of them.

Whether they're competitive strategy contents, talent contests, home makeovers, personal makeovers, behind the scenes of a celebrity's life, behind the scenes of a non-celebrity's life, ballroom dance, interpretive dance, inside the homes of unusual family situations (short, tall, rich, poor, high hair, low hair, lots of kids, lots of spouses, shore houses, pimped-out houses etc.), drug interventions, messy home interventions, parenting interventions, supernatural interventions, medical anomalies, medically transformed anomalies, or just how people do their jobs manufacturing sports vehicles or manufacturing beautiful baked goods....

Yeah, I will pretty much watch any and all of the above.

So believe it or not, I think there's still room on the Reality Show spectrum for a "new idea".


If you could decide the plot of a new reality show, what would it be?

Because I'm obsessed with cruise travel, my contribution to television history would be "THE LUV BOAT: The Reality Show" -- and wouldn't just be about randoms hooking up while on vacation to Puerta Vallarta, but also Life on the High Seas, the hijinx that ensue behind the scenes with the ship staff. From the window washers to the galley. Sorta like original "The Love Boat" meets a CW-version of "Suite Life on Deck with Zack & Cody".



Sorta like "The Dating Game" meets "Temptation Island" meets "Cake Boss".

You get what I'm sayin'.

Apostrophe 'S'

I love seeing grammatical mistakes in places they shouldn't be.

Printed books. Signs. Newspapers. Official documents.

Because it means, somewhere in the world, there are people entrusted with important responsibilities who still make mistakes. Kinda keeps the whole universe in perspective.

<--- Saw this sign in a parking lot of a local famous amusement park where fun is measured by numbers of flags.

HEEEE HEEEE! Someone get me a LIKE button here!!!


[In fact, I'm not just laughing at the "... it is Contents" implied by the Apostrophe + S here, but I am equally baffled by the phrase: "contents damage".]

I know the use of the APOSTROPHE + S can sometimes be a confusing little game. In fact, right here in the PST studio last week, we got into a mind-boggling debate over the APOSTROPHE + S because of anything that might belong to ChriS RollinS.

"Chris's books"? "Chris' pencils"? "Chris Rollin's car"? "Chris's Rollins's purse"?

Ugh, so confusing.

You have any grammar hang-ups that still plague you after all these years away from Phonics classes in 2nd grade? Like "They're" versus "Their"? Or the fact that "would of" is SO not correct, especially when your/you're going for "would've"? Or where a period goes when you're using quotes or parantheses? (Like, would it go on the outside here)?


All's I do know for sures is that "I Before E Except After C". Which I still manage to bungle sometimes.

Addictive Personalities & Facebook: Perfect Together

Facebook is addictive all by itself, but it also likes to generate even more obsessive behavior with nonsense like mock mob battles, virtual reality agrarian culture, and promoting the kind of jabbing between people that would probably cause a fistfight in real life.

Thank goodness I can safely say I've only ever had three Facebook obsessions:

1) Scramble

2) Typing Maniac


3) Family Feud




Now if Scrabble ever worked reliably for any stretch of time, it might've made it on this list.

Feel free to tell me about your Facebook addictions.... I promise not to judge.

What's Better Than Morning Coffee?

I keep a glass of water on my nightstand, and this morning began to take my early morning swig, when I saw this, one inch from nose, and quickly draining towards my mouth.

WWWAAAAHHHHHH GROSSSSSSS!!!!

Sent via BlackBerry | cc: tryan@wpst.com

Feeling a little less stupid

Less stupid, and more like a brilliant fricking champ.

Just took the test on the Crew's page and scored way better, as you can see from Newman's notes.

He was my official scorer. Props to him for being somewhat adequate at checking answers against an answer key.

Sent via BlackBerry | cc: tryan@wpst.com

Stupid Mensa

Yesterday, Chris & The Crew talked about this itty bitty Mensa quiz.


Yesterday, I took the test.

Today, I was still not done.

And after hours upon hours formulating algebraic quadratics and charts and tables, I just finally gave up.

The Crew graded me, and I scored a "not bad".

NOT BAD?!

Not flipping bad?!!?!?

GRRRR.

Here it is. Feel free to take it.

Oh, and by the way, because my intelligence is merely "not bad", it will explain why I ended up not taking the test the Crew talked about, but instead stumbled into another one from years ago, but a different mini-test.

If you'd like to see how well you fare against me and my tiny brain, here is the one I took.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna stand in a corner and stare off into the distance or something.

Smell that? It's my Youth.

I was walking down the hall here at work and caught a whiff of something familiar.

I'm not sure if it was someone's fragrance or hairspray or roomspray or what, but it smelled exactly like Apple Dumplin'.

Now let me clarify. Not Apple Dumpling, the dish.

Apple Dumplin', one of the characters from Strawberry Shortcake.

Strawberry Shortcake the cartoon character.

When I was a kid and got my bedroom revamped, I upgraded my decor from Holly Hobbie to Strawberry Shortcake. And that automatically must've meant I loved Strawberry Shortcake (And by the way I didn't. The red sheets were on sale, and my mom was hell-bent on building a theme around it.)

So for my birthday, I got all these Strawberry Shortcake-related accessories. Socks. Wall hangings. Sticker books. And an Apple Dumplin' action figure. Random.

The schtick with the action figures was that their hair smelled like their accompanying scent, and Apple Dumplin' smelled of apple. That is if "apple scent" implies a synthetic fruit-ish aroma, that smells somewhere between newly manufactured plastic and aerosol preservatives.

So that's what I smelled today. My childhood.

The one smell that sends me back faster than old books or a fresh box of crayons.


What did your childhood smell like that?

Just curious, I know everyone's got a different trigger for their personal Wayback Machine.

From the Archives: "A Provocative Pole Dance To Get The Morning Going?"

A gem from the archives... a Blog-iversary, if you will, originally posted this day last year.

Hope it makes you laugh as much as it made me laugh last year + this year X 4.

That's the standard formula for "funny"


Toni Ryan Says: A Provocative Pole Dance To Get The Morning Going?



Without a doubt, pole-dancing is not for everyone.

This video is reason enough to not try it.

Especially if you don't know how to install one properly.

Loose Lips Sink Ships and Ruin Surprises

Out of all the things I say on a very regular basis, this is perhaps in my personal Top Five:

"Oh my $%&*!-ng family."

Now, lest you think I am some kind of disrespectful brat, you should know that this is said completely out of love; because clearly I could only love this collective bunch SOOOO much that I would actually stick around and continue tolerating some of the most ridiculous and logic-defying antics known to man.

Today, more fodder.


An email arrives.

From my dad, Big Tony.

"Give you aunt a call, she wants to know when you're coming to visit her. "



Oh boy. You have NO IDEA the kind of holy hell that a short, polite-looking person like myself can raise when left in a room by herself with only her ire and a few loose items. Let me tell you, throwing a container of paperclips down to the floor felt cool at the time. (Cleaning up, not so much. )

Now, how could such innocent words inspire such ferocious anger, you ask?

How indeed.

Let's start with the fact that said aunt in question lives in Seattle.

Now add the part where I tell you about the SURPRISE trip to Seattle that I have been trying to SECRETLY coordinate for the last two months.

Is that giving you an idea?

So secret of a trip was this, that I actually shared this information with only three people. In fact, none of those three people was my own mother, mainly because she and her Sisters seem to have an open floodgate of information when they see fit. God forbid I accidentally air any of her dirty (or slightly soiled) laundry to her own sisters, but aside from her personal dirt, EVERYTHING ELSE is fair game.

E V E R Y T H I N G.

Y'know how they say women are a bunch of gossips?

TRUE.

Well y'know where they came up with that saying?

My mother and her Sisters.
(by the way, I capitalize the word "sisters" not because they are actually nuns or anything, but as an unofficially organized battalion of trouble, I consider them a formal entity.)

I called my dad somewhere in between $100K Payday and Artist of the Day and began the loud interrogation.

"HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THE TRIP?"

"I don't know, Toni."

"POP. ANSWER MY QUESTION. WHO TOLD HER?"

"Toni. I. Don't. Know."

"SHE DIDN'T SAY WHO MENTIONED IT?"

"Toni. Don't get me in the middle of this. I didn't say anything."

"POP. I KNOW YOU DIDN'T. I'M JUST ASKING YOU."

"Well, why are you yelling at me then?"

"I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU."

"Maybe ask your mother."

"OH JEEEZUS. THIS $%&*!-ng FAMILY!"

"Stop yelling at me."


Truth is, I'm not really even all that concerned with the how's and why's my elaborate plan got ruined. If anything, I EXPECTED IT. I totally knew not to dream of what a fun surprise it would be to just show up on her doorstep one morning. I just didn't expect the surprise to get blown so soon. And mainly because it wasn't a secret-secret. You know, the juicy kind that somehow you can never seem to keep corked.

This was a fun, happy, smiles, puppydogs, rainbows, waterfalls, and unicorns kind of secret.

I find that most people sometimes have an easier time keeping this kind of a secret because it's a good thing.

But no no no no no no no. Not my family!

I was sooo mistaken trying to give the Sisters an opportunity to delightfully not disappoint me this time. Oh, me being yet another woman in this very family, and I shoulda freakin' known better.

But in the back of my head, there was a little bit of an idea brewing: Obviously among any set of women who have a hard keeping secrets, there's also gonna be a tendency for one or more of them to have a bit of a anal-retentive control streak goin' on.

In my case, this would apply to all of them. And historically this means exactly what you'd expect from an anal-retentive control streak: the meddling, the nagging, and the pecking.

So, when it comes to just about anything involving any of the Spawn of the Sisters, it should come as no surprise that there is a common theme of "keeping things secret", "going behind backs" and "doing things on their own". I guess when you grow up with a meddling, nagging, pecking Sister as a mother, you get sorta used to laying as low as possible.

Which can only make a Sister meddle, nag, and peck even harder. Even the FBI could not uncover secrets with such speed and efficiency.

And all I wanted was to show up at my aunt's doorstep on a Friday, and spend the weekend hanging out at her house with her family. Chillin' on the couch. Maybe renting a movie. Running to the grocery with her. Washing dishes and popping popcorn. Talking over coffee. Being boring.

Exactly what I might do if I showed up at any of my other aunts' homes, who all live just up Route 1. But somehow, getting on a plane and getting to this aunt's house, versus just getting in my car and going up the highway, would warrant a trip to the Space Needle, standing next to a coffee shop, doing a Twilight tour, etc. All packed in one weekend. And I most certainly did not want that.

And I knew that the only way to accomplish my simple utopian dream of just "vegging" would be to NOT LET THE SISTERS FIND OUT.

So there it is. The Cat. So out of the Bag.


Toni, ZERO.

Sisters, Thirty-seven.


Yes, 37 for the Sisters. Because if keeping score were an actual game, they'd find a way to change the scoring in their favor.


So I'm thinking... should I try and revive my surprise plan by CANCELLING MY TRIP and NOT telling anyone?!

LOL. Let me know if you think that's a good idea.

But whatever you do, DON'T TELL THE SISTERS.

Pharmaceutical Brain Zaps. And Other Fun Things.

If you - like me - are one of your everyday, overanxious spazz cases, then you are possibly also on some form of a anti-anxiety med, or anti-depressant.

Now, I know this is a rather strange and personal topic to be blogging about, but in the interest of "keepin' it real", I decided that I would let you all in on my experience, because as I realized it's nothing to be ashamed of, I'm also learning that a lot of other people I know, or wouldn't expect, are also in the same boat.

I'm also learning that it is quite a big boat.

Maybe it's obvious from the nature of my blogs and the things I tend to obsess about, but I sorta have this love/hate relationship with stress. And since that quality has occasionally made me the least favorite person in the room (or favorite, if you're a sadist), I have been managing my spastic tendencies with Lexapro.

Quite successfully actually.


I can't speak on any of the other varieties of popular meds out there, but I can say that it is quite fun sharing war-stories with other pharmaceutically-improved folks in the world. Our before/after stories. Our tales of figuring out correct doses. The nightmares of when we forgot to take our meds (These are especially funny stories, especially when you're taking a combo of meds to battle ADHD. And you FORGET to take your ADHD meds... oh downhill, here we gooooo....)

Anyhoo... every now and again I like to go online and read about other people's experiences and compare with mine. Like if I'm doing something new and strange, is it because of the meds? Or is this new habit of saving the inside plastic bags that cereal comes in a side-effect of the Lexapro? (Nope, not the med's fault actually . A new OCD-ish quirk to add to the list of Things That Are Awesomely Weird About Toni Ryan.)

I was sorta pissed to slowly realize that despite my polite (skinny) shrink telling me, "No, I don't think your inexplicable & rapid weight gain is really related to the meds", that I discovered at least 4,000 new online "friends" who will say otherwise.

What to do? Stop the meds and go back to looking "normal" but feeling ridiculously spazz-tastic? Or stay on the meds and just deal with it by buying stock in Spanx? Good thing we're talking anti-anxiety meds here; conveniently takes the edge off of stressing out about weight gain.

Now, here's the next thing: as I contemplated life as a reborn Spazz and weaning off the meds that keep me "acting" normal, my online buds are talking alot about a phenonmenon they've dubbed BRAIN ZAPS.

BRAIN ZAPS, people.

Apparently, when you attempt to come off these meds, you will experience BRAIN ZAPS. Like, seriously. HUH?! Hahahah, I'm a little scared-slash-amused.

Has anyone gone through this that can sorta explain to me what this is like?!

OMG, this whole SSRI adventure is just pure comedy. And clearly something a lot more of us out there have in common than we'd care to admit. Although, now I think about, I'm not sure what there was to be ashamed about. So what I'm faulty; I'm workin' on it. LOL.

So, there it is.

I showed you mine.

Feel free to show me yours.

Have Money, Will Show Off

If I had a HUGE PILE OF CASH, what is the most obnoxious thing I could do with it?

These are the type of challenging, thoughtful questions I like to worry about when I've got nothing better to do.

The $100K PAYDAY has forced me to make very serious decisions about what I would do if I ever suddenly acquired $100,000. I like to be prepared for when life throws impossible situations at you, or when it throws piles of money at you. I want to be ready.

I know for sure that I would graciously accept the money... and then hand it back... and politely, but firmly, ask that the money be handed to me in cash. Unmarked bills. Unmarked dollar bills.

I really could care less about the unmarked-versus-marked thing, but I know never in my life will I be in a position to demand such a thing. But the dollar bills part would just be the source of endless fun.

Heh heh.

And then picture it... I'd go buy a car... and pay for it in cash. Yes, in single dollar bills. I would sit on the floor in the middle of the dealership, counting out piles of money. (By the way, iss there a good strategy for doing this? I mean, especially when counting out like thirty grand in single dollar bills? Should I do piles of tens?)

Or, I'd pay for a really expensive elaborate dinner with fifty friends. We'd move from the bar to the table. We'd request separate checks for everyone in the group. All the while, I'd be funding the entire occasion, dropping my piles of single dollar bills at every spot. "Oh, your tab's $71.87? Ok, so, like $85 for your bill? Ok, one, two, three, four... man this drink is strong. Where was I? Oh yes, one... two... "

Maybe I'd take a bunch of friends and family on a cruise. I'd walk into the travel agency and book my trip. Drop cash into a really messy pile on their desk, and then laugh and apologize. "Oops, my bad. Let me count that out for you. What was it? Thirty thousand and change for the whole thing? OK, I'm gonna need a little bit of room here. Can you move these desks outta my way?"
Now, my new quandry is how I would cart around all of this MONEY. Anybody know how much a hundred thou would weigh in singles?

(BT-dub, "hundred thou" is how the folks with money talk)

That will be my next challenging & thoughtful concern to worry about.

I'm having a hard time deciding between a really fun red wagon, or just hiring somebody with big arms to carry the money for me. Like have them hugging a huge pile of my singles, some of the money coming out of their pockets and clothes. I like the image of it, even though it sounds pretty messy.

Eh, don't worry. I'll figure it out.

SO... how about you?

I wanna hear your really obnoxious plans for your $100K PAYDAY!

Reverse Family Feud

Check it out, I just invented a new game.

It's called REVERSE FAMILY FEUD. It's like Family Feud, but not at all.

I've been playing Family Feud on Facebook, and if you're familiar with the game at all, you know about the exciting Fast Money finale, where two folks attempt to win a total of 200 combined points for the big jackpot. On Facebook, you get requested to be The Number Two, and your job is to bring the big finish.

Well, I just played the worst round ever. How bad?

The. Worst. Round. Ever.

EVER.

I am bravely sharing my answers to said Worst Round Ever, where you can see, my only task was to simply come up with 71 measly points.

That's right. Among five questions, I only had to come up with five answers that at least 71 people agreed with. And I failed. Miserably.

SO. Since I am Glass-Kinda-Sorta-Full-ish type of girl, I am turning this frown upside-down with a NEW GAME...

Look again at these HORRENDOUS answers I provided.

YOUR JOB is to figure out what those questions were!!!!

I am offering a huge jackpot of Bragging Rights to the person who can provide the most correct questions, and also offering one-of-a-kind Honorary Mentions to those who provide the most creative (non-offensive) answers. Er, questions. You know what I mean.

SO HAVE IT!

AND GOOD LUCK!

Sticker Shock

I think after living on the east coast most of my life -- specifically New Jersey -- I've kind of become accustomed to The Cost of Things.

Like, The Real Cost of Things, after a mark-up, or a mark-down. Maybe because I'm used to things either being real expensive (and/or possibly worth the price) or living near meccas of manufacturing, where you know what raw materials actually cost.

Like, when people warn me about a place because, "it's really expensive out there", I always come home confused because it didn't really seem all that bad.

Seven bucks for a beer, ten bucks for a cocktail? Shocking, yes, but I have paid it before. Four bucks a gallon for gas? Yes, seen it too. And although I am thoroughly opposed on principle, I have, and would again, spend more than $150 on a pair of shoes.


But all this does not mean I have money to burn. If anything, I'd describe myself as very cost-conscious, like, to a fault. I am the loser that inspects unit prices at the grocery store, and calculates 20% in-store discounts versus cost of buying online minus S/H.

We went camping this weekend, and when I get into the process of planning things, with my trusty five-column analysis pad and calculator, you can expect to see a line-item breakout of every item consumed, purchased, and even cost of waste (i.e. burned marshmallows, unfinished cans of beer, etc.) I then figure out how much everyone owes, to the penny, even deducting extra expenses incurred, down to the seventy-five cents that you borrowed for a candybar.

(I'm weird that way. So what.)

Except halfway through the weekend, the general consensus was to just chuck my elaborate pencil-n-paper mathematical systems, and call all the extra purchases a wash. "Just split the cost for the campsite & cabins equally, Tone." Even though some people had contributed more (much more) than others, as long as everyone was ok with swallowing their extra costs, then dividing the campsite costs evenly between everyone, it would make the accounting a piece of cake. It'll make it easier for you, was what everyone mutually agreed upon.


Well as it turns out, not everyone, actually.


Obviously, for the people who skipped out on sleeping in the heated cabins and slept in the tents outside all weekend, there was much disagreement. Of course. I mean, the notion of sleeping in the cold in a tent (willingly), and still paying the same as the folks who slept on cushy bunks in cabins with heat, flat screen TVs, and running water seems like a total inequality.

But I guess the bigger mistake was saying that we were "splitting the accomodations equally". Because, for example, some folks who brought a lot of beer and weren't getting reimbursed, then slept in the tents too... they were also paying that same amount. I'm sure they would think it was unfair too.


Or how about the fact that I BOUGHT ALL THE FOOD! LOL. I don't mind that I paid for all the food, and then I also didn't mind splitting the campsite cost equally. I did sleep quite well in the warm cabin. So, shouldn't I be the one complaining?!

Hahahah, but I'm not. And I wouldn't. And actually, NO ONE has the right to complain about it, because I think (and here's the point of today's rambling blog) --- everyone's forgotten about the Real Cost of Things.

I made sure there was dish soap, hand soap, toilet paper, paper towels, plates, napkins, foil, ziploc bags, bread, buns, burgers, anti-bacterial gel, extension cords, buckets for water, buckets for dishes, matches, flashlights, bug spray, itch cream, advil, Gas-X, milk, eggs, PAM spray, coffee, sugar, Splenda, Sweet & Low, Equal, creamer, stirrers, dish towels, extra chairs, bacon, empty can for bacon grease, spatula, playing cards, breakfast food, peanut butter, granola bars, two sizes of marshmallows, citronella candles, a tent, and chip clips. And that's just for starters.

Paying into the cost of the campsite equally and then not having to worry about any of the above (and more. Believe me, there was much more.) -- to me, ya made out like a bandit, so shut your trap!!!

Hahahahah. Seriously, I'm not upset about it, but it does baffle me how sometimes people forget what things cost. And then they have a serious case of sticker shock, and it always cracks me up. Sorry folks, but unless you're going stay at home, and not use the power, the gas, or the Internet, life is gonna cost you.

- - - - - - - - - -

Ever "go in" on a gift for someone? It's super easy to hand someone your twenty dollar bill, and then be glad to sign a card for a forty-dollar gift. But the card costs. So did the wrapping. So did the gas for the trip to the mall. The time it took to go to the mall, and buy all that crap. And then wrap the gift, and be the one to haul it to the party.

- - - - - - - - - -

However, despite all of this bellyaching, you should know that even Toni Ryan herself often experiences sticker shock, and this is actually what inspired today's blog-o-rant:

I was looking up how much it might cost to take a weekend trip to London. Might be fun for a group of friends, and a good situation for not having to "split the cost" on anything.

But every scenario, every season, and every airline kept averaging above $500 to fly round trip between Newark & Heathrow.

And then ... I saw it:

Total Airfare $210.00


And then ... I saw all of it:


Total Airfare... $210.00
Airfare taxes and fees... $410.20



Total trip cost... $620.20

Yes of course. Taxes & Fees. Duh. How could I be so naive??




So there it is, The Real of Things.

Don't forget about those Four Hundred Dollars-worth of Taxes & Fees.

Saying Goodbye to Shows You Actually Like

I laughed my head off camping this weekend.

And not having anything to do with the usual woodsy antics, frisky wild bears, or the fact that I smelled like a perfect blend of sweat & dirt.

While I was drinking my ashy campfire coffee on Saturday morning, I perused the morning news on the BB, and saw that ABC cancelled "My Generation".

Did anyone else even watch this show? Cool concept, yes. The backstory is that there was this group of high school seniors that were filmed by a documentary crew years ago, and what we're watching is the follow-up documentary, of how their lives changed.

I had no interest in watching this, until I realized I was in the middle of the pilot a couple weeks ago. And (restrain your shock here), it sorta sucked.

Well, who am I kidding here. It really sucked. And that's saying a lot, because I pretty much think all TV is ok.

Apparently, the second episode aired last Thursday to even worser ratings, and first thing Friday morning, ABC signed the pink slip. As if the official TV Grim Reaper stepped outta bed, took a yawn, then dropped the axe. Didn't even bother having breakfast first.

LOL, technology sure does sucks for a new TV show. I'm sure there was as time when a crappy show had a longer window being on life support while they still tabulated the ratings by hand. On an abacus, probably.

And this show was elaborate, plot-wise. I'm imagining these young nobody actors who score this sweet acting job starring on a show that should seem like a possible hit. Calling all their friends, excited about their new job. "I'm on TV, man!!! Yeah, on a NETWORK!"

How many expensive cars, homes, jewelry, and bottles of French champagne were prematurely purchased on this bad idea?

Sorta sad when you think of it that way. One night you're on TV, the next, you're reading condolence messages on your Facebook wall before you've even heard the news.

Also sad when you're like one of five people who actually like the show! Which reminded me of something Chris & the Crew were talking about last week.

Favorite Shows that Got Cancelled Too Soon

Here are mine:

1) Veronica Mars

2) Arrested Development

3) Popular

4) Better Off Ted

5) Love Monkey

6) Parker Lewis Can't Lose

7) Hope & Faith

8) Secret Diary of a Call Girl

9) Cupid

10) Samantha Who

Feel free to add your own... and it can't be a show that got run out of town because it universally sucked or started to suck by the end, but because the ratings were down.

And yes, seriously, I liked Kelly Ripa in a sitcom.