Thursday, October 28

Worst Halloween Stories?

Out of all the things that could go wrong on Halloween, at least my personal worst wasn't even really a Halloween story.

When I was twelve, I got my first pair of contact lenses on Halloween. Lucky me, I got the soft contacts that you only had to clean by using a literal slow-cooker for several hours. After the unit was completely cooled down, you could take the contacts out and plop 'em in your eyes. Only seven hours, tops!

Except that first time out, I was in a rush, and knowing that it still took me about a half hour to put a contact into one eye, I really didn't think lukewarm contacts would be a problem.

Popped those babies in, and went on my way.

Twelve years old, and cruising the hood for the first time without my glasses. You have to know how bad-ass I felt. Plus, I was dressed as a "punk-rocker"... which was a very popular/easy costume in the 80's... because it meant getting to wear outrageous makeup, all my favorite day-glo clothes, and teasing my hair to my heart's content, and then stuffing my rat's nest hair into a massive banana clip.

Life was good.

Attempt #837Until my one eye started to get irritated. So I gently rubbed. Prodded. Poked. Rubbed more. Prodded more. And when the blurry vision stopped, I realized my eye was hurting. So I prodded some more... until I looked at my finger... and saw ... HALF A CONTACT LENS on my fingertip.

Couldn't find the other half the lens.

(I later learned from eye doctor years later, "If you lose your contact in your eye, don't panic. Remember, what goes up must come down." Screw you, Sir Isaac Newton. Dr. Shapiro knows things.)

My evening of awesome got cut short because I couldn't see in one eye, couldn't find the other half of my contact, and was freaking out because I couldn't tell my parents.

See, back then, you couldn't just ring up 1-800-CONTACTS and get a new pair the next day, because basically the internet didn't exist. Getting contacts was a seriously big deal. Like a $$$$BIG$$$$ deal.

Long story short, the other half was indeed still in my eye, and I spent the next few months wearing glasses, or wearing one contact, and I managed to avoid getting busted.

So there it is, my personal Worst Halloween Story.

Anybody else got one? At least a better one?

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about your N-eye-t-mare on Halloween. It was a good story! The only funny Halloween story I can think of is one time I dressed as Bill Clinton in late 90s. There is nothing like a 10 year old walking around door to door asking for candy, and then having those home owners asking me my political views and what I'm doing for our country. C'mon people I was 10!

    P.S. : It was also after the news broke about Monicagate. It was a great Halloween costume choice if I do say so myself.