Midnight Movies, good for little kids

We all know what opened up at midnight last night.

(I'll spare you actually saying the phrase I am already tired of hearing)

I don't get that. Why at midnight on a Thursday night? Isn't Friday still a school day? A mid-week late night showing for Sex & The City, that I get. But for HSM3???? Who is taking these kids at midnight? Are they even awake? Were they pounding back Red Bulls while doing their math homework yesterday afternoon? And how many kids were out "sick" today?

OK, despite that, I should mention that my mom used to let me take the train into the city* with my friends when I was in junior high. (*And since I grew up in Middlesex County, by "city" I don't mean Philly.)

Was just reminiscing with an old friend last week about how we had to lie to her parents just so she could come along on these unchaperoned jaunts into the city. Aaah, good times. Never for a second did I think that it might be a bad idea putting a 12-year old girl on a train with her girlfriends, unaccompanied.

It's so funny how everyone's got a different idea about what's good for kids. I'm ok with playing in dirt, eating snow, and biking without a helmet. I'm not ok with skipping breakfast, not washing your hands, and back-talking.

Scary how I am turning into my mother. (Minus the spam filter incident)

My mom discovered her spam filter

It's bad enough that the only way to reach my mom on a cell phone is if she actually answers the call. She doesn't do voicemail, so to heck with "texting" too. The fact that she can operate the remote control is a minor miracle.

All that being said, it is safe to say that my mom is technically-challenged, typical for her generation despite her having the appearance of Botoxed-youthfulness.

Well, aforementioned Mom has found her spam filter, and the other night she said the following:

"Oh my gosh, Toni, there is all this email for "Cialis", "Viagara", "nine inches"... "


....



Yes, I had to stop and process that comment too.

Toni's Day Off Question of the Day: What is lint?

Seriously. I'm getting laundry done this morning, and thinking, what in heck is this crap, really?

Best answer written in a way my small mind can absorb wins an award I have yet to determine. Or most creative answer.

Go. Discuss amongst yourselves.

October means Secret Santa

Six families, three states, the youngest is one and a half, the oldest is sixty-something.

Those are the parameters my family has to contend with each holiday. Last year decided, Secret Santa was the way to go. Figured, in this day and age, I should be able to find a website that would enable us to accomplish this in California, Florida, or another continent altogether. Ended up choosing Elfster.com... where you can enter wish lists, it sends you your Secret Santa person, and allows you to anonymously ask questions about the person you have to shop for.

Figured it would be perfect, and finally easy. A $50 limit, and just get your gift to my uncle's house by Christmas eve.

Did it work?

PLEASE! 26 people? C'mon, what do you think??

Well, I'd give it a B+ for first time out. Wasn't flawless, but for the most part, everyone got presents. (I got two.... minor mix-up. My cousin Stacey was rather confused why I asked for a bottle of whiskey. Toni's dad Tony is the whiskey aficionado, but thanks Stace!)

BUT NOW... it is time to start thinking about the holidays again. Anybody got any suggestions? Is there a good way to do a Secret Santa with as little stress as possible?

Best Freaking Detergent on the Planet

Unfortunately, the Best Freaking Detergent on the Planet is impossible to find, too.

Victoria's Secret used to sell this awesome detergent. In fact, a whole line of awesome laundry products. One for special wash (like a Woolite), an actual jug of detergent, and fabric softener, both liquid & sheets. I know because I bought them. All. All the products. All the time. I even bought a special holiday gift set so I could get travel packet sizes of all of it.

The most beautiful smelling laundry you can ever imagine. Underthings, linens, sweaters, dresses, pantyhose, the slipcovers even. Everything just smelled fabulous.

Then one day: POOF. Discontinued.

Of course the way I found out was when it was finally time to restock on my supply, and a snooty blank insisted that "Victoria's Secret has never made a laundry detergent". (A couple phone calls clarified that by "never" she actually meant that the product line was recently discontinued.)

So, since that day, I have been hoarding what little product I've had left, and only using little droplets here and there if the occasion warrants good smell. Last night I used a small teaspoonful, and today, I'm catching traces of loveliness coming from my tee-shirt & jeans. I feel so pretty. Aaaah.....

Anyhooo... it reminded me of an article I read earlier this year that brought me hope.... that the Vic's Secret Lavish Laundry detergent was being re-released . Re-released this past Spring.

WELL WHERE THE HECK IS IT?!

Does anyone know? What happened? Why should I have to live with a lifetime of Gain, Tide, Wisk, Cheer, and all the usual odor of general cleanliness??

(And I don't care that the guy that wrote the article thinks it smells strong and doesn't clean well. He's a guy for goshsakes.)

Any input appreciated.

Pop-Up "Lost"

The G4 Channel is showing "Lost in 2.0" --- it's like Pop-Up Video for Lost... but much better than the crap they started on ABC last season.

Worth checking out, and remembering what made that show good in the first place. All this time between seasons and I tend forget I even liked the show to begin with. (Well, if you hate the extras crap that show up on the screen but want to watch oldies but goodies, ABC is running two old episodes every Saturday in the middle of the night. You already know this if you have a Tivo Season Pass.)

It's on G4, weeknights at 9P.

Health Insurance Should Come With a Mental Health Discount

...'Coz all the stress I get out of dealing with the insurance company is just creating a whole bevy of psychological problems that are likely not covered by said insurance company. Honestly, I am convinced the health insurance industry is out to confound and mesmerize you with terminology and systems that were not meant to be fully understood by any intelligent adult. It frustrates the heck out of me, and I got a 1210 on the SAT's (The old SAT's. I'm no dummy.)

I wonder what would happen if I sent them a bill for a shrink. Nine weeks later, I'd get this itty bitty reimbursement check with a note saying "Here's $11 back on the $150 you spent on psychological evaluations."

I plan on taking a big fat marker and writing "YOU CAUSED ME TO BE CRAZY, SO KINDLY SEND THE BALANCE OF $139". Like right across the check stub. (I'd cash the check, of course. Eleven bucks is eleven bucks.)

Ya think that'd work? I doubt anyone's tried, so I'll let you know how it goes.

Call me a sadist, but I want to see a Rockette screw up.

Catching up with DWTS on my Tivo... and there it is: The Rockettes scare me a little bit. Well, a LOT, actually.

It's like freaking me out coz they are all the exact same height, same exact leg length, same eerie smile, and they all kick at the exact same angle. Kinda reminds me of the united colors of Barbie. There was the black Barbie, the Hawaiian Barbie, the eskimo Barbie, all looking exactly like ... Barbie. It's freaky in that Barbie-meets-Stepford-Wives way.

So, I'm watching carefully because I want one of them to screw up. Like big time.

And seriously, Samantha Harris is slowly spiralling out of control. Why is she trying to make up her own dialogue? Samantha, for godssakes, please stick with the script you silly girl! People are paid good money to give you words to say, just please read the cue cards and stop inflicting this torture on your fellow Americans!!!

EW! THEY DIDN'T KICK ANYONE OFF??? WHAT A DRAG!

Billy Needs His Math Homework

Well... now that I've waited this long to ruminate over this, I'm sure it's too late, and tomorrow morning somewhere out there, Billy is totally screwed.

What do you when you get wrong number messages left on your machine? I've gotten Jennifer's dermatologist confirming her next appointment, Liz saying that mom is still mad, and and... Mike! Mikey, where you at?

I actually felt bad that this one doctor's office kept calling and calling and calling. I finally called them back and said, "Marjorie Lo Bianco hasn't rescheduled her pap smear because you keep calling the wrong number. I just wanted to tell you guys."

Otherwise, I usually don't bother.

But today: "Hi Tyler, it's Billy. Um, can you call me back? I need the math homework."

Hmm. Now that I have Caller ID, I can actually do my unsolicited acts of Good Samaritanishness. Do I call Billy? Do I not call Billy? Don't get parents get super-missish these days if some adult strangers calls up their kid?

What to do? What to do?

Haha, so of course, I started watching Making the Band and now Billy is probably in bed. Poor kid. Wonder if he ever got his math homework.

I shoulda called, huh?

Ooops. Well c'mon. If the kid can't even get a phone number down correctly, he's got bigger problems than math, right?!

As Seen In Your Kitchen!

Please? Please... pretty please?

Can we please talk about the Sham-Wow nutjob?

And if you have idea who I speak of, take a quick refresher look-see right here:

Aaah, yes, you think. That guy. He makes me want to hate this product that I secretly want to love.

Does anyone have these? Is that German technology so amazing it will put Americans to shame with this infinite absorbency and capacity to soak up eleven pounds of spilled soda, doggie vomit, and a 200 square-foot flooded basement?

Just curious if it's really up to snuff.

Yeah, I know. I'm an television shopping junkie. Big-time. I've been HSN & QVC clean for at least 10 months since the Dyson vaccum debacle of 2008 got my shopping privileges suspended. If I want Joy Mangano's Huggable Hangers, I have to get them off the black-market now. It's very sad, and yes I'm ashamed.

But my entry-level television-shopping drug of choice is always the classic infomercial, going as far back as the era of Time-Life Books Recordings and Hooked on Classics ("Available on record or 8-track!"). So, obviously I've got a bunch of stuff on my wish list.

Also want to know about:

Keepeez

... and Pasta Express.

Boiling water might be challenging to some, and apparently placing pasta in aforementioned boiling water is also as daunting a task, so thank goodness for the clever cylindrical plastic thing (with LID, no less!!!) that will bring ease to pasta lovers world wide. Want to know if this works.

ShamWow guy sends his love.

That's all. Thanks in advance.