Wednesday, May 25

From The Archives: "Black Tongue? Don't Panic."

Sometimes the wisdom that li'l ol' Toni Ryan likes to dispense on ye is the sort of timely nonsense that will no longer be interesting or relevant in, say, a day or two.

Like how to prepare for a predicted apocalyptic event. Or why they need to revive the 90210 franchise. Or why slap bracelets are the new classic fashion statement, move over Little Black Dress.

But there are times where not only is my helpful advice timeless, but occasionally, the answer to a universal mystery. So today, I am reposting this gem from the Fall of 2008... especially for those of you who have searched for reasons why your tongue is black.

"Black Tongue? Don't Panic."

Woke up with a BLACK TONGUE today.

Ever happen to you? If it ever does, don't panic. Don't panic, mainly because I'm certain I panicked enough for an entire planetful of black tongue surprises.

Long story short: CHEWING PEPTO BISMOL TABLETS causes your tongue to be black.

I shoulda plop-plop-fizz-fizzed instead....Popped one before bed after an enormously huge meal at TJ's. Enormously huge, and enormously awesome. Overate in a way that would make Mr. WeightWatchers roll in his grave. Oh, and then I got home and started to do the gripping double wham-bam drama combo of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters, and just started reaching into my bag of leftovers... Next thing I knew, it was 1AM and I was like trying to force a huge burp thinking to myself, "Oh my God what did I do!!?!!??!" Woke up this morning feeling right as rain. Well, at least I did until I looked in the mirror. Nearly passed out, I was so freaked out.

And don't bother asking me for the chemistry specifics, because I got a D in High School Chem. But I am bright enough to copy/paste the link to this blog where I got my answer (and also unwittingly found myself an erstwhile Black Tongue Support Group)

It's only been minutes since I got the scare of my life, but since I realized I'm not dying, now I wanna go to Disney World!!!

But first, gotta scrub off that danged tongue!!!

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