Yeah, while I had an AWESOME time, and sat in the SUN, and RELAXED, my vacation sucked. Because when I got home on Thursday, I return to find out THEY CANCELLED MY SOAP OPERA!!!!
Way to wreck my vacation glow, ABC!
Yes, after 43 years of quality dramedy, One Life To Live has gotten the axe. I'M SO PISSED. In fact, when I got home, I scarfed down the four episodes I missed, even though -- if you'll recall -- Thursday was a gorgeous day out. I actually came home, and stayed inside because I was glued to the TV finding out what happened while I was gone. And then, after it was all over, clicked over to live TV, in the middle of the nightly news, and there it was. The face everyone fears: George Stephanopolous. Reporting that ABC had pulled the plug on OLTL.
I now hate you too, George, and every ounce of your credible stephanopolousishness. Because I looked into that boyish-slash-serious face and realized this was not a joke.
I don't know where to begin.
Soaps are an institution. Anyone who dares to disagree clearly has never had an afternoon off to chill at home. If you ever played hooky, or were home sick, then you've seen a soap. As for me, I was five years old at my babysitter's, who crocheted and drank cans of Tab while watching the sands of the hourglass, and I pretended to be napping on my beanbag in the corner. And that's when I fell in love with the idea of "Love in the Afternoon".
I watched Luke and Laura fall in love. I remember when the big C killed Mary Capwell. I couldn't understand why Roman Brady now looked like another guy in town. I decided I wanted to name a daughter Sierra or Siobhan, even though I didn't really know how to spell either. Bree Van De Kamp went from Edge of Night to Llanview to Melrose before she moved to Wisteria Lane, and I watched all of those incarnations. Tad and Jenny. Delilah and Rafe. Cruz and Eden. Viki and Niki (and Jean, et al). Sunset Beach lasted a millisecond, but I still love Ben Evans. I was a little confused why Dance Party USA's Kelly was now in Pine Valley. I missed Jade Perkins, until I realized she was better off as Jennifer Horton. I even got over hating Todd Manning & the gang rape after he bonded with Hayden Panettiere and CJ. Especially when he got a hot new face.
Why is the ultimate soap opera playing out in real life? The killing off of an entire genre?? Except, it's sort of a lame story in itself -- the villains are so obvious. We know it's not gonna end well. An evil twin isn't gonna come back from the dead and claim they were switched at birth and save the day because they've had a change of heart after getting major facial reconstruction. In a jungle. In space.
So All My Children and One Life To Live will both be gone by this time next year. General Hospital, The Young and the Restless, Days Of Our Lives, and The Bold and the Beautiful will have to uphold the soap mantle all by themselves, but I just don't know how long they'll last. So, in true soap form, this is how a proper soap ending goes... a ridiculously long montage of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Feel free to jot down your favorite soap memories here....
(Here's one of mine. It's My Actor Friend Justin Paul Kahn threatening my favorite Todd Manning with a faux gun:)
Toni Ryan's Public Service Announcement If you, or someone you know, is suffering from grief or debilitating anger from this news, please check out the resources below. Don't suffer in silence. Only a character in a soap about to be killed off would do that.
Toni Ryan Says! The Appendix I: Angry Letter Writing Campaign?
Anne Sweeney President, ABC Television ABC Studios 500 South Buena Vista Street Burbank CA 91521 CALL: Anne Sweeney direct office line: 818 460-7700 E-Mail: Anne.x.Sweeney@email.Disney.com
Toni Ryan Says! The Appendix II: Best Soap Podcast
Daytime Confidential... they say everything you're thinking. And then some. And they've got a great hotline if you wanna sound off -- your comments might make their next episode! 917-677-9757