The Anti-Alarmist

I'm a klutz.

At least, it is an unfortunate trait I was born with, and I have spent most of my 27 years* on God's green earth battling against this disorder. And today, folks, I share my struggle with you, so that if you, or a loved one, is also suffering from this affliction, you can know you're not alone.

*27 is an approximation.

Clumsiness affects one in every two Americans, and at least fifty percent of the population, and that number could be growing, as people come to grips with publicly admitting that they are clumsy.

Take it from me.

If you think you're a klutz, but are afraid to admit it -- whether it be because you're ashamed or you don't know how people will react -- trust me, if you're klutz, chances are, everyone else already knows.

As far as the feeling of shame, I can't help you with that. It's just embarassing sometimes, and you learn to deal with it. Sometimes you'll laugh. Aloud. Because you'll realize, it's actually funny.


OK, so enough about that, and onto this: I spilled coffee today.

And while that wouldn't be such a big deal on a normal basis, I automatically did what I have learned to do over a lifetime of clumsiness -- I pretended it didn't happen.

So I walked to the kitchen sink, with my sweater sleeve sopping of coffee, and proceeded to rinse it out with one hand. Because I was holding my Blackberry in my other hand.

I got met with a couple, "OOH!" "Whoa!!" and "Oh no!"s on my way to the kitchen over the sight of the phone.

"Oh, it's fine," I laughed. The phone had been upside down, with its rubber sleeve on, and also coated with this special neoprene sheath stuff that protects... EH don't worry about it, just trust me, I know it didn't get wet.

So I wring out my sweater and become a human clothesrack, wipe down the counter, sop up the carpet, pour more coffee, and get on my way. Irritated only by the smelly wet sweater sleeve.

Half hour later, I realize... MY PHONE IS OFF.

Interesting. Coz I didn't turn it off.

Pull off the battery cover, and ta da!!!

MOISTURE!

And, my battery has a moisture "strip" that turns red when it's been gotten wet.

And it was red.

- - - - - -

So there it is, Toni Ryan, the anti-Alarmist. Lacking the appropriate reactions when things aren't good, because I don't wanna panic anyone over yet another one of my clumsy blunders.

Ever have a completely inappropriate reaction to something? Laughing at a funeral, screaming bloody murder in situations requiring an indoor voice, or display disdain when the proper reaction is, "Oh! Congratulations!"

Tell me. Now.