Doctor of Medicine, Google University

Getting sick these days is the best.

Not only because you are learning so much about your own illness thanks to Google, but also because everyone else is doing the exact same thing and we're all sharing our newfound medical knowledge (and germs!) with each other.

I like to think that I began my non-sanctioned medical studies from a Physicians Desk Reference that found its way into my parent's library when I was a kid. If you're not familiar with what this book is, well, you shouldn't be, because it's a book filled with all those boring package inserts in a super-tiny font, that gets stuffed into the box with your prescription meds, and this tome is meant for doctors' eyes only. How we ended up with one, I know not. Every year they print a new one, with the most current package inserts, but I personally am well schooled in contraindications and dosage recommendations for all drugs circa 1981. (It was a boring childhood)

But thanks to Internet, and more boring time, I am also well-versed in any ailment or treatment that I may or may not have ever had. I'm convinced that I am certifiable. As a doctor, that is.

So... when it comes to sicky weeks like this one... after I have lived through a 24-hour flu-like bout of fever and chills and sweaty hot sick mess, I am glad that I have this not-formally- reconized medical education.

Dr. Toni Ryan in the HOUSE!

For this week, I am on a prevention-rich, immune-building regime. It is a well-thought-out combination of old wives tales & OTC products that I am certain will make my fragile senses stronger against the barrage of illness going around my workplace.

** Zicam lozenges (or Coldeeze. You'll know you have the right ones if they TASTE NASTY.)

** Centrum multivitamins. There is no such thing as too much vitamin in my world of illness.

** Theraflu Cold & Cough Thinstrips (alternating with...)

** Theraflu Flu & Sore Throat drink mix in Apple Cinnamon flavor

** Mucinex horse tablets (which means you'll need LOTS of:)

** Water. Lots and LOTS of it

** Zicam throat spray (esp if you have weirdness in your throat)

** Traditional Medicinals Throat Coat hot tea (alternating with...)

** Any kind of NON-CAFFEINATED TEA with honey, squeezed lemon, and/or boiled ginger (if you happen to have any at home, or if you're Asian like me, you will likely already have some in your fridge somewhere)

** A GREAT humidifier

** Salt water gargle. Early & often.

** Sinus Rinse. Neti Pot. Whatev. Just clean out that scuzz up there, you'd be shocked at how much that crap is contributing to all the sickiness.

** A tub of Vicks Vaporub. Don't be shy. But also, be mindful when using The Vicks Sticker

** Good sturdy tissues with extra softness weaved into it (or embedded with lotion beads)

** and ANTI-BACTERIAL GEL and CLEANING WIPES.
Just because you're sick, you don't get away with being irresponsible by getting everyone else sick. (You don't wanna be just like the jerk who got YOU sick, do ya??)

OK, so there it is... using my non-certified medical education for your health and wellness, people. Don't ever say I never did nothin' for you people!!


yours in health & non-sickness,

Dr. Toni Ryan, M.D.

Escuela de Medicina, Universidad Google