When I Grow Up...

When I was kid, the phrase, "When I Grow Up..." didn't end like a Pussycat Dolls song about being famous and in movies. Well, it was close I guess.

I only wanted one thing for sure.

To be Mrs. Johnny Depp.


As you can see it did not work out this way (at least not yet), but I guess I should be grateful that Johnny has since found himself a gorgeous French baby mama who doesn't want to marry him but is content with walking red carpets with him, and pushing gorgeous mini Depps out of her flat belly.

Because looking back, I can see that our lives took such different paths. His, playing young looking narcs hiding out in high school and enduring a critically acclaimed acting career; mine having nothing to do with Hollywood, acting, or narcs.

It wouldn't have worked out.

I was thinking about all the things I ever said I wanted to be, or wanted in my life when I grew up, and how that all played out. I haven't grown up but enough years have passed to be thankful that other stuff didn't work out, and kinda glad that some stuff did.

Like, I always wanted a car with air conditioner and power steering. (If you're anywhere near as old as I am, then you too also remember thinking, "Wow, A/C in the car?! That's SO cool.")

And now, got that. Check!

I always wanted a big closet full of clothes. Check!

Granted, half of those clothes cover all categories including "Clothes I wear now", "Clothes I never wear but I paid too much for me to just give away", and "Clothes I don't fit into anymore... but goshdarnit I will! I WILL FIT IN THESE CLOTHES SOMEDAY!"

However, I also wanted to be a doctor.

Well, it's good that it never happened. Why? Two important reasons. One, I hated school.

And, Two, the fact that if you know anything about my sleeping habits, you'd see right away that I wouldn't make a very good doctor. I have three alarms that go off in the morning, and I sleep through all of them. As much as I would've loved carrying a five pound beeper on my hip that looks like an old-school garage door opener, I don't think I woulda paid it much attention.

Then I decided I wanted to be an architect. Which meant more SCHOOL (ick), and learning lotsa MATH and SCIENCE. Super double ICK! Ick Ick.

Afterwards, I decided that I wanted to be a freelance sitcom writer-producer who worked from a lounge chair next to a big pool in sunny California and dated famous actors that were often on the cover of BOP magazine.

Since I didn't believe that such a job could actually exist in the real world, I later scaled it down to Housewife, because I then decided to simplify all of it into the single desire of being Mrs. Johnny Depp.

I figured by accomplishing that one thing, then I'd be semi-famous and rich enough to pursue any of the other things when there was time. A free-lance architect-slash-doctor who drives a car with an AM/FM cassette stereo. Whoa.

So, there it is.

All my life's goals. And now look.

I hope my 12-year old self never meets my now-self. She'd be pretty darn disappointed in what a failure I am.



But she'd LOVE the closet & the fact that I've got POWER WINDOWS too!!!!