The Secret Language of "Lost"

Watching "Lost" is like being part of a club -- albeit, a somewhat nerdy, obsessive, and occasionally fickle club.

We've got special terminology, inside jokes, and theories out the wazzoo. And the worst part, we encourage it.

And there's so many of us, that we've actually incited a culture of "haters", people we will never be able to convince to watch the show, now that six seasons of confusions, questions, and jargon have ruined everyday conversation for non-Lost-fans. You know they hate it when we joke about Dharma-brand toothpaste, or call each other by our Sawyer nicknames. Who can blame 'em, right?

So to this end, I bring about my latest favorite topic: alternate names for the Locke that's parading around pretending to be Locke. Not to be confused with the happy, romantic Locke keepin' on keeping on in the sideways universe (better known as Sideways Locke)

Found this poll online, What should we call "John Locke" on "Lost"?

• UnLocke


• Smocke


• Flocke (Fake + Locke)


• Locke-ness Monster


• Smokey


• Man in Black


• Man in Locke


• NotLocke


• The Hurt Locke


• Mocke


• DeadLocke


• Blocke


• Locke-Dressed Monster


• SmokeLocke
  

I love it. All of them actually. In the era of smushnames, and post-Friends-mockalate, that we could come up with more than a dozen varieties of names for one character, and they all work.

Now... what do we call the Danielle Rousseau-like version of Claire?!