2.50 vs. 2.5

... as in "Two-Fifty versus Two Point Five"

or: $2.50 vs 2.5 [miles]

That's the decision I had to make today when I pulled at my bank's drive-through to discover that "This ATM is temporarily unavailable". This sad news was also accompanied by my nearby ATM options, and the first and closest choice was my bank's next nearest location, 2.5 miles away.

So I had to think about that. Do I want to drive the 2.5 miles to avoid The Fee? Or just buck up and go back to the office, where there's a bank located right in my office building, and just pay The Damn Fee.

(And,it's always fun when the machine hits you up for a fee, then your bank hits you up for another fee. All in all, just to acquire $20 I already lawfully possess could cost me five dollars just so I can hold said legal tender $20-bill in my hand. WHAT A SCAM! I HATE YOU FDIC!)

So, I sat at the intersection of "My Office on The Left" and "Two-Point-Five Miles to the Right, To Avoid The Fee" and my life began to flash before my eyes. Well, not my entire life, just the moments when I've made hare-brained choices trying to pick the lesser of two evils. (Or in my case, the more insane choice, because I am completely crazy.)

• Like driving fifteen minutes out of the way to get the cheaper gas


• Going to the farther Dunkin Donuts because the lady always gives me extra Munchkins


• Overtipping the lady who waxes my eyebrows, especially when I've waited way too long between appointments. (I mean, like 80% kind of overtipping, because I'm feeling so guilty that my brows are Yeti-like)


• Rushing like a madman to get to the store before they close because my coupon's about to expire


• Driving north, then east for a half an hour to get to work, even though the office is south and west, all to avoid sitting in traffic.

See, in my head, all these nutty choices make sense to me. Like driving in the wrong direction to work, I can always pass the cheaper gas (which I'll need when I double-back to get to the office). The wax lady will be gentler to my hairy brows in the future since I fund her next bar tab. The coupon that expires will never come back to life, and the gas used in driving past two Dunkin Donuts in order to get free Munchkins is worth that feeling of triumph that I didn't pay for those two balls of sugar and starch.

But that's just me.

So, long story longer, I drove the Two Point Five miles. Got my twenty bucks. Didn't pay the fee. Passed the cheaper gas. And I got back to the office half an hour later than I woulda liked.

But so what? It was either give up the Half Hour or give up the The Fees going back to my bank, which shall remain unnamed.

I chose to give up the Half Hour. I mean, after all those fees they've already taken from me over the last ten years, it's not like they're ever gonna rename their place downtown to the Toni Ryan Spectrum.

I'm just sayin'....