Nerds for Splinters & Cells

When I was a kid, I was in Catholic school, a uniform-wearing nerd with zero fashion sense.

After school, I'd changed into my ugly-as-sin sweats and obnoxious tee-shirts, leaving on my white wool socks for playtime. I don't remember ever owning any other socks, they were all white wool knee-hi's... well, they were white when we bought them. Wore 'em with my uniform, wore 'em with sneakers, and heck, I even wore them to bed!

Favorite after-school activity for nerdy homebodies like myself? Sliding around the hardwood floors in my parents house, pretending I was a figure skater. Dorothy Hamill and Peggy Fleming were my heroes.

With my gentle glide thanks to my white wool socks on the just-waxed floor, there was no stopping me from Olympic Gold... except for the occasional SPLINTER!!

EW! OW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!! MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not smooth at all.

I just stumbled upon this online handy tip for removing a splinter:

When you get a splinter, reach for the tape ... Simply put the tape over the splinter, then pull it off from the skin ... removes most splinters painlessly and easily.

Hmm. Does it work? I don't know, since I long ago retired from my wood-floor-figure-skating career. I did do a little more digging and saw this tip again, but specifically referring to duct tape. Yeah, duct tape, that'll do it! Not only will you get that splinter out, but microscopic bacteria from five years ago.

Well, that doesn't work either? There were a bunch of interesting, albeit slightly sketchy, suggestions here: What Random Strangers Think Will Work (The one about the potato was kinda questionable... anybody know if that actually works?)

... but if sketchy doesn't work for you, this is what The Government says on proper splinter removal:

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more to the point:

(Your tax dollars hard at work, ladies & gents)

Gross! Yet so oddly fascinating, right?? So all that being said... any of you biology nerds curious on how white blood cells deal when you get a little boo-boo like a splinter? I thought so! Check this bad boy out:

(don't be scared, you can click on it!)

It's always nice to know that your body's lymphatic system is doing it's job, goshdarnit! Especially while you're sitting there with a soggy piece of potato on your foot!!!

and P.S. if you know why that picture of a cartoon rat is up there, then YOU are a much bigger dork than me!!!!! I had to look it up myself, and that's why I'm only a slightly lesser dork.