"We'll be there between the hours of 7AM and Never"

Was trolling Facebook just now and came across HS Friend Rob's status: "PSE&G appointment window 7:00-9:00. Its 9:15".


By the end of all this, it looks like the appointment has been bumped to some vague time on Friday when the sun may or may not be up. Couldn't be any less vaguer.

I don't get what happens there. The ubiquitous "wait at home for the serviceman" appointment that seems to be just some sort of show; they really don't intend on getting there at any specific time, day, or in the neighborhood of. The appointment-making process just serves to get YOU - the customer - off that person's back. For the moment. That person being The Scheduler.

Let's talk about The Scheduler. They only have one job. To schedule you and move you along. I am not even sure they are really sitting in front of a computer -- let alone a calendar -- when they are scheduling you. I envision a not so-bright bimbo-like person miming the action of writing. Like writing in the air. I don't even think there's paper in the room. Just a desk, a phone, and a copy of the funnies. In fact, I think they are making it up as they go along....

YOU: ... So do you have anything open on Thursday?

The Scheduler: Thursday the 25th or Thursday the 27th?

You: Uhhh... no, I mean like this Thursday. Three days from now?

The Scheduler: ... ok... hang on, let me see..... OK, what is your availability on Thursday?

You: Well, whenever. As soon as possible, so I guess first thing in the morning.

The Scheduler: ... Let... me... seeeeee..... Oooh, no. Nothing in the morning.

You: Okaay then. Afternoon?

The Scheduler: Hmmm. No, nothing available at all on Thursday.

You: Well... well when's the next available opening?

The Scheduler: Oh! We do have something open tomorrow! Any chance you are available in the morning?

You: Sure! When in the morning?

The Scheduler: ... Give me ... one... second... let's see.... OK, there's a 6:45AM appointment... no, actually that won't work. How about 8:30?

You: Eight Thirty? That'd be perfect!

The Scheduler: OK then. Now, just make sure someone will be home between 6:15 and 1:55PM.

You: Six fifteen A-M?! And two in the afternoon? What kind of window is that?

The Scheduler: Sometimes the tech team can run a little long on the previous appointment so we like to build in some extra time. And it's 1:55 PM, actually. Not "two in the afternoon".

You: But six fifteen in the morning? Won't the guy be on a call at six forty-five??

The Scheduler: What can I say, these guys can sometimes work pretty quickly! They're just so punctual, it's ridiculous.



Ya know... now that I'm thinking about it more... not only do I not think that any actual "scheduling" is going on, as we know it, but I don't even think The Scheduler even works in the same place as The Service Guy. I firmly believe that there is some age-old turf war at the workplace between these two characters, and the single joy they extract from their jobs is just repeatedly screwing each other over. Yes. At your expense and sanity.


Right now, somewhere in HS Friend Rob's neighborhood, I'm convinced there is a PSEG truck trolling around, the driver laughing his ass off while he keeps sending The Scheduler straight to voicemail. Meanwhile, no power or electricity in the Chez Rob, his children bathing in water warmed up over a sterno can, and his wife making dinner, armed only with a can opener and paper plates. Oh, the injustice.

And worst off: no TiVo.


I don't know how The Scheduler can live with herself. I hope someone forgets her birthday.