In My Defense....

It's Monday.

And I'm expecting the follow-up/fallout to Saturday's "gig".

Hahahah -- so corny, me talking about "doin' a gig".


This past Saturday, Tommy Jordan & I were asked to sit in with End of Daze, who were playing at my favorite watering hole, The Ivy Inn on Nassau Street in Princeton boro. (Also known as the place cops like to park their cars outside of and clamp down on the rash of unbuckled seatbelts and expired inspection stickers.) I understand a video is being posted, and I want to throw up thinking about it. I am not "a singer". I like to sing. But that does not make me a singer.

I am dreading the sight of any photographic evidence from that night.


So.... I sang my "TM" song, Pat Benatar's Hit Me With Your Best Shot, then Four Non Blondes' What's Up, with Tommy on guitar.

Was I nervous? YES.

About Benatar, no.

Eight billion previous karaoke performances could not prepare a girl any better. If you've ever been to a karaoke bar in Mercer County in the last five years you have probably already heard me do this song once or twice or fifty times. I could do that song with my eyes shut, and both hands tied behind my back, completely drunk. In fact I'm pretty sure two out of three were true on Saturday.

But the other song... not so much in the way of confidence level.

Tommy was making me nervous!!! And when it comes to singing in public, I am already quite qualified at freaking myself out, that to add Tommy's debut jitters just magnified everything! I am the kid that used to get put in ruffles and made to sing at family parties. It traumatized me. I don't ever ever ever ever ever sing in public unless I know a song inside out, backwards, and even in a foreign language. (see above) I gotta know a song that well.

But I don't know What's Up all that well. So, already a baseline of anxiety.

Plus the fact that I was wearing fake hair that wasn't staying in.

And the fact that I'd never sung the song in public before.

And the fact that I couldn't even hear myself.

And the fact that the song was suddenly a full key higher than I can handle.

And the fact that I get SO nervous I actually will panic on the spot if I ever stop for a second and actually think about what is I am doing.

HAHAHAH which is what nearly happened halfway through the song.

I think I had a split second of realization of several things at once:

That the notes were coming that I couldn't hit.

That I was actually singing this song I'd never sung in public before!

That I couldn't remember what came next.

That Tommy Jordan was actually a really awesome guitar player!

That aforementioned Tommy Jordan was enjoying himself!

That even though I was blatantly holding a copy of the lyrics in my hand, I had managed to LOSE MY PLACE!

Yes. I actually FORGOT the words.

And they were printed, and right in my hand. In my face.

Stupid small font.


I'm pretty sure it was obvious too --- the flash of confusion as I looked around at the rest of the band spoke volumes. Our co-worker Ryan was on lead guitar, shaking his head at me, making these faces.

His Face said: WTF are you doing?

My Face said: The second verse, why?

His Face: We're still in the chorus.

My Face: Oh sh!t. Now what?

His Face: Hah, I can't believe you F'd up. Oh well. I mean, look at Tommy's face - he's totally digging this.

My Face: I know! OK, I guess just keep going then?

His Face: Alright, whatev.

My Face: By the way, dude. This song is so obviously one key too high.

His Face: My bad. I know. That's why I have LK singing backup. In case you can't hit the note.

LK's Face said: Whoa! I don't know if I can hit that note either....

Tommy Jordan's Face said: I'm a rockstar! I'm concentrating on my awesomeness and incredible stage presence. I am so in the zone here. Keep your faces all shut, will you?? (sticks out tongue)


So that was our big night at the Ivy Inn with End of Daze. My Actor Friend Justin is now in LA trying to move past being mercilessly killed off of One Life To Live... but he stopped in on his way to the airport to also sing with the band and duet with LK (former lead singer of Red Headed Boogie Child, for all you folks familiar with the area's cover band scene). All good times. It felt like a pseudo-celeb night for all us wannabes.

The house was packed and the drinks were flowing.

And I don't know how I did it with one cocktail, but I managed to also be the most obnoxious touchy-feely "drunk" girl in the room. I also screamed and hollored myself silly (hoarse voice was a stupid thing to bring to work when you're a DJ for godssakes)

If you were one of my victims that night, the answer was YES. Don't matter what your question was, either. Is she wasted? Is she crazy? She for real? Is she hitting on me?

Somehow, it looks like E. All of the Above.


p.s. Thanks Tommy for doing this with me! Despite his contagious nerves, I was a little relieved that he was up there with me. If anything, I felt like brown, brunette Stevie Nicks to his Lindsay Buckingham. I was waiting for him to slap me around a little bit, too.