Thursday, February 12

Non-whitening Toothpaste

Would you buy it?
Caclulates Sales Tax!  Predicts the Future!  Also Freshens breath!
Non-whitening toothpaste, that is.

Seriously, if the product says, "Great mint taste and new non-whitening formula!"

I wouldn't.


Next time you're brushing your teeth (and hey, if you're doing it right at this moment, kudos to you, crazy multi-tasking hygenic computer user, you! )... take a look at the tube.

It says it's one of them there newfangled "whitening" toothpastes, don't it?
When did that happen? That the whitening agent was discovered by man, and manufactured into a dry minty paste form? The late 80's? Early 90's?

Maybe I'm remembering my childhood all wrong (like the way I recall those wintry days of walking ten miles to the bus in bare feet)... but I feel like aside from the fact that there were only like four brands of toothpaste (Crest. Colgate. Aim. And then later, the advent of the oh-so-fancy striped Aquafresh.)... that back then, toothpastes only promised (and delivered!) to do only one or two things. Provide freshness. Be minty. And on occasion, also provide Flouride (if you were into them expensive toothpastes).

Now toothpastes are doing everything short of preparing your taxes and disciplining your children. (Good thing toothpaste has a very patient demeanor.) They help you build tooth enamel. Get you desensitized to cold foods. Hot foods. Taste like bubblegum. Taste like vanilla. Taste like a vintage whiskey. Kill bacteria. Kill bacteria that has yet to be identified. Whiten your teeth to a glow-in-the-dark finish. Aside from making your mouth anti-bacterial, also anti-microbial. Keep your mouth anti-bacterial for hours. Days. Months. Make you less hungry. Make you tell the truth. And yes. Give you minty fresh breath.

But above all, most of them state the obvious. "Whitens teeth!"


Well, HECK I CERTAINLY HOPE SO!

Who wants to be the guy that makes the toothpaste that doesn't whiten teeth?? I mean, since the purpose of all toothpaste is to assist in cleaning your teeth, to some degree, by removing dirt from your teeth, you are essentially allowing the teeth to be whiter than they were when the food debris was still in your mouth. So basically, don't all toothpastes "whiten", more or less?

"Yeah. I can say for certain that we have flouride & have great minty flavor... but I don't know about this whitening nonsense. I've been using my product every day, five times a day for eleven years... and my teeth are ... well, I guess they're white. But not whiter than they used to be. At least I don't think so. Just leave it at Minty Taste! More flouride! Leave out the whitening part. I'm sure my toothpaste will sell just fine."

HAH. When there are thirty other boxes of toothpaste on the shelf, and the rest of them are telling me I'll be buying whitening action in a tube, why would I want to chance it with a toothpaste that may or may not do more than just clean my teeth??


So when do you think it started? When people realized that to sell more toothpaste, they needed to promise more whitening? Was there an actual invention of a whitening agent? I don't remember ever actually hearing it about it in the news. Maybe it got eclipsed in the headlines that day by the little girl in the well. Or the Bronco chase on the LA Freewway.


Maybe coz Baking Soda & Hydrogen Peroxide didn't need to be invented!!!!

Isn't that all it is?! Baking soda & peroxide???




So. With that in mind, I have a new wave of marketing genius that will sell more toothpaste than any human being has ever needed in one lifetime.

"Now with even MORE WHITENING POWER! And solves math problems!!!"




And every tube of toothpaste will come with a whole box of no-frills baking soda and a cheap solar calculator.

12 comments:

  1. In the words of the hilarious Gary Gulman:

    "Oh, God! Colgate, enough with the tartar, it's under control. what i need you to do now is invent a toothpaste that allows me to drink orange juice within 6 hours of brushing my teeth."

    Also, my toothpaste did prepare my taxes, I now owe the government $6200.

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  2. Am I the only person who is tired of ruining clothes with bleach spots from tooth paste - I found this site looking for a brand that is NOT a whitening overkill.

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  3. I'm searching for a non-whitening toothpaste because I'm concerned about the abrasives and the long-term effect they have on teeth. It's so hard to find a fluoride toothpaste without a whitening ingredient! I already whiten my teeth at the dentist so I don't really need to sand my teeth twice a day...

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  4. Whitening toothpaste has chemicals in it that either erodes or bleaches the teach. Just because teeth are whiter doesn't mean that they are healthier.

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  5. yeah im doing a science project and im testing 3 toothpastes, colgate sparkling white, crest 3D white and colgate clean mint. I tested them on eggs stained from coffee, red wine and coke, the whitening toothpastes hardly whitened the eggs and the non whitening one did a lot!

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  6. You can look at it as a sort of emphasis. You pointed out that each era of hygiene demanded something new from the products we use, and nowadays, everyone's raving for teeth whitening.

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  7. Deborah Diggs3/06/2012 8:24 PM

    I'm desperate for a NON-whitening toothpaste because the whiteners leave bleach spots on my clothes. I have to put on a smock but sometimes the bleach goes partway through it. I bought toothpaste that was the only one on the shelf that made no whitening claims and compared it to one that did. They had exactly the same ingredients, active and inactive.

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  8. I have searched the Internet for a non-whiting toothpaste and find none. My teeth have become sensitive to products with the whitening agent in them. I am reduced to baking soda and hate the taste. Even Sensodine toothpaste that is for sensitive teeth has a whitening agent in it.

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    1. I too am looking for a toothpaste without a whitening agent. I have trigeminal neuralgia and the whitening agents set it off! I, too, am reduced to using just baking soda. Why are we all so set on putting bleach in our mouths???

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    2. See my posting after your's here. I feel there may be some colgate brand that is nice priced and NOT whitening. GOOD luck on that working for you, baking soda is harsh on teeth enamel if not diluted, so hope this toothpaste works for your condition. IF not, please write to the company (them, crest, , tom's natural brand, etc.) and let them know of your need to see if they'll help out.

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  9. After MUCH searching I found:
    Protect your teeth and mouth with the Colgate Total Enamel Strength Stripe Toothpaste. It has a unique formula that blends fluoride and triclosan to help fight against cavities, plaque and gingivitis, while strengthening your teeth's enamel. This cavity protection toothpaste gently cleans your teeth and mouth, ensuring complete oral care. It also helps to prevent bad breath and keeps your mouth feeling fresh all day long.

    Colgate Total Enamel Strength Stripe Toothpaste:•Gently cleans
    •Helps prevent cavities, gingivitis and plaque
    •Fights tartar
    •Freshens breath
    * It's listed @ Walmart but lists "not available". Can't hurt to check.

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    Replies
    1. Update: The whitening toothpaste will NEVER do just that with anyone that smokes or drinks coffee daily. These stain the teeth and that just doesn't get taken out. SO I went to the store today and got a toothpaste I BELIEVE does NOT whiten , it doesn't claim to. It's colgate Total Mint Stripe Gel. Anticavity and Antigingivitis toothpaste. IF I had to make a choice between TEMPORARY whitened looking teeth and ongoing protected from cavities and gingivitis (gum disease) I so would choose the later choice for my dental care and oral health benefit. This claims to gently clean , prevents cavities , gingivitis and plaque. Fights tartar , freshens breath too. I say it's worth a try at least. It's a blend of paste and gel (stipe) so that should please most people when brushing. Since paste can leave a film and gel can be gooey (?) by itself here's hoping it's a good blend. Try it, it's only $2.96 at Walmart for a 6 ounce tube.

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