I hate you, stupid cell phone

Debilitating anxiety. Gripping paranoia. Confusion. Bewilderment.

So, I left my cell phone at home the other day.
You'd have thought I was having a psychotic episode.

Was already in the car on the way into work when I realized it wasn't on me, and considered turning around and going home. Just need to give the gang a buzz and let 'em know I'm running late.

Duh. Can't make a call.

Flipped thru the mental Rolodex of favors owed... now, who could I call to go pick up my phone for me...?

Duh. Can't make a call.

New plan, I will swallow my pride and look for a... a... a... pay phone. Ick.

Duh. Realize I don't know anyone's actual phone numbers. And that I don't have any loose change, hate to disappoint you, Mom.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
How could I have forgotten my %#&! PHONE?!!?!? And furthermore, how could I have gotten this dependent on a stupid piece of technology? It's not like I'm Cathy Chats-a-lot and need to have my phone at the ready so I can discuss every detail of my waking life.

Frankly, I hate talking on the phone. But let's face it, having a cell phone is more than just having a phone available to you at all times. (Remember that -- growing up in a house with one, maybe two phone lines and having to wait to use the phone? Worse - in public places, having to wait for a pay phone?)

The phone is my alarm clock, my reminder service, my phone book, and my archive of eye-popping messages that have arrived in my inbox on occasion (wink wink). And all this from a regular ol' fashioned cell phone. Imagine if I upped my game and got one o' them there fancy cellys, and could access the old internet, or have it also be my music player, video player, etc. etc. etc. etc.? Et cetera.

Seriously, imagine it.

I could sit right at my computer and blog entirely from my phone just because I could.

I could get in my car willy nilly without a map or directions and GPS my pretty little self to whereever I need to be.

I could buy a bargain travel deal for some randomly exotic foreign locale taking off in three hours, and translator-dot-com my way through the entire trip.

I could lounge on a floatie in the middle of the Adriatic Sea and upload said eye-popping messages to http://www.inappropriatephotossentat2am.com/

I could schedule the alarm to remind me to email someone to call me.

The possibilities are infinite, really. And quite overwhelming, too. Which is why I haven't bothered to step up and get a pimp-daddy iPhone wannabe (or even its more reputable and sensible cousin, the Blackberry)

It's just too much. All of it, it's too much. At the end of the day, I just need to make phone calls every once in a while. Maybe answer a phone call or two. Have it take my messages when I don't feel like it. Be able to text message when I'd rather not hear your voice and exist in my cone of silence.

I can always use the alarm clock that's already plugged in the wall next to my bed.

I can open up the phone book that I also keep in my purse. (Or just google your damn number)

I don't really need the reminder service either. I can just remember to take my ADD meds, and just remember to remember stuff.

And as for those "eye-popping" messages. Well... Um.... Uh.... Oh, hey LOOK!!!

It's the CONE OF SILEEENNNN.........