Supereasy Last Minute Costume Ideas

Got these costume ideas from AOL.COM, slightly tongue-in-cheek but I think these could actually be pulled off. Like this one:

Ingredients: "A scraggly beard (often referred to as a 'creepy, flesh-colored beard'), plenty of hair gel and a slew of nonsensical sayings to utter incessantly while you speak about yourself in the third person."

Voila!

Your Costume is: The Jerky and Infamous SPENCER PRATT!

"Since Spencer is known internationally as the king of douchery -- and since he's talked about legally changing his name to King Spencer -- why not don a fake gold crown and a custom T-shirt with the simple phrase 'D-BAG.' "

ISN'T THAT BRILLIANT?! And esp supereasy, if you look anything like the guy!

"If you still think it's not obvious enough, bring a surgically-enhanced blonde pal with you to be your Heidi and pay off paparazzi (friends with cameras) to follow you around all night as you strike fake poses."



How about Paula Abdul?


The site's suggestion for channeling a really good Paula: "...all about the attitude: Randomly jump around and start dancing, while throwing your hands in the air... randomly start spouting nonsensical phrases like 'Simon always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon finds the corn flake always finds the melon and one of you didn't pick the right fortune' ... randomly start slurring your speech and nodding off... you get the idea. Act craz ... uh, enthusiastic and spirited."


They've also got great ideas for being characters from The Vampire Diaries, Glee, Gossip Girl, and Dexter.

And by "great" of course I mean, no one will get your costume right away, and they'll all think you're a lunatic, but at least you won't be the jerk at the party wearing street clothes.


That'll be me.

Why Don't We Just Let Google Take Over The Universe

Y'know Google... yes, the same Google that brought you Google Mail, Google Calendar, Google News, Google Maps, Google Earth, Google Shops, Google Stuff, Google Things, etc. etc....

Now, Google has unveiled Google Music.



Now, you have a place where you can search song titles, background about artists, lyrics, streaming versions of songs and more.

Just type in a phrase, the title, the artist, whatever, and Google Music displays all that information in a manner similar to the Google search product you're already familiar with and love!

How brilliant is that... make a music search product that is in the same vein as the regular ol' Google you know, so it's super easy to use!

So basically, Google is now offering ... Google. Hope you like it.

I Wonder If These Are Sold In Bulk

Picture this. Sam's Club. In China.


Well, if you can't, I'll help you. I just want to share with you some of the great products being offered at the latest Sam's Club, now open in Guangzhou! Yay!! I love a grand opening sale!!

Crocodiles are on sale at Walmart's first Sam's Club after the opening ceremony in China's southern city, Guangzhou Tuesday, Oct. 27, 2009. (AP Photo/Vincent Yu)

Do you think they sell these in a bulk twelve-pack? And any chance the pigs with apples stuffed in their mouth are in the next aisle?

Hailey Glassman could be a role model

Hailey Glassman was whining on TV.

Wait. I shouldn't assume you know who these people are, or why this is significant. Allow me to give you the background. The characters:


Hailey Glassman - the 22 yo girlfriend of "playboy" and supersperm donor Jon Gosselin, and daughter of a plastic surgeon who specializes in televised tummy tucks.

Jon Gosselin - the 32 yo dishrag estranged hubby of human incubator Kate Gosselin (she of cosmic asymmetrical hair craze), former co-star of the popular dramedy Jon & Kate plus 8

How they know each other - her dad successfully extracted the "jowls of a dog"-like incubator from Kate's abdomen, and her mom invited Kate to live with them post-op. I like to think that it kinda made Hailey & Kate like sisters. Picture tickle-fights and hair braiding. When Jon & Kate went kaput, I like to think Hailey jumped in to dry Jon's tears, like a good faux-sister-in-law would.

Where they're at right now - Jon is currently linked with high profile names like Michael Lohan, Nancy Grace, Larry King and a variety of lukewarm babes (Uh, hi... "Octomom"?!) Nonetheless despite the media storm, Hailey has stayed faithful to the man that brought her her 6 minute share of the fame. (That's gratitude right there)

Well, apparently, Hailey thought we deserved to know THE TRUTH about her relationship with Jon. Since I won't subject you to the travesty that is the entire episode of last night's The Insider, here's what you need to know:



"Let me go"? "Let me be 22"?

Hey, honey, how 'bout YOU be 22, and LEAVE the freaking SOB. I don't care who the guy is... or who you are... what fun-loving 22 year old stays with a blatant a-hole, hurts so much she has to go on national TV, and furthermore wants to be dragged down by a divorced dude with EIGHT (count 'em) EIGHT KIDS?!

Your dad's a (famous) plastic surgeon for godssakes! Go buy yourself a new Louis Vuitton and hightail it to Miami or something. You should be hanging out with Kourtney & Khloe, and getting into fights with Spencer Pratt and one of the Lohan or Hilton sisters.

I really don't care about you, Hailey Glassman, but really, if I'm gonna hate you, please let be because you're one of those forgettable celebutantes vying for an opening credit on The Hills, and not the trash that some irresponsible suburban dad leaves behind.

Be a role model for goshsakes!!!

From the Archives: "Final Thoughts on Halloween"

I'm sooo glad I wrote this down. So I can remember it all in advance of this year's Halloween. The things that threaten to ruin the joy of Halloween for me, social crimes mainly committed by you 'tweens.

It's my post from last Halloween that manages to still be relevant this year... and probably will be relevant every freaking year. At least until Halloween is either outlawed, or Uncle Sam steps in and makes laws on Trick or Treating.

I hope the first law is that I can spank you if you are mean to me, whether or not you're bigger than me. (If someone actually makes this their platform, I will vote for you. I promise.)



"Final Thoughts on Halloween"

Just gotta get a few things off my chest so we can put Halloween to bed til next year.

First of all, as a person without kids, Halloween is obviously less of an event to me than it might be for other people. Well, aside from the convenient excuse to dress slutty, while couching it in a way that says it's supposed to be a "costume". It's the one day when I can get away with fishnet stockings, wearing pleather, or act like a complete skeeze. But I digress.

This is to all you in-between kids who are out & about trying to score free sugary treats. You ungrateful, sassy-mouth, pubescent twerps who are sucking all the real fun out of Halloween for all the little kids who actually get filled with joy over a roll of Smarties. If you are on the prowl on Halloween genuinely looking to take part in a fun time-honored tradition, take heed of a few guidelines:

• Is NO Costume, the New Costume? What is that about? Wearing your street clothes and expecting me to give you something for free makes you sound like a little thug. Or worse, a homeless person. Wearing your street clothes and wearing a mask is also not a costume. Wearing your street clothes and no mask, but telling me it is a costume is also not a costume. Oh, and dressing slutty, little girls, is only for grown-ups. Cover yourself, for heaven's sakes!
  
• A little enthusiasm, maybe? Sullenly barking out, "TRICK OR TREAT" at me will not compel me to give you candy. Even worse, silently pushing your pillowcase in my face will also be met by my ire. And for a short person, I have plenty of ire.
  
• Manners, too, would be appreciated. I don't need you to pull Eddie Haskell theatrics, but a simple and genuine Thank You would sure be nice. Much better than you making a run for it as my expensive candy is still falling into your cavernous bag of loot. That mad dash from my doorstep without a word of thanks makes you look like criminal-in-training.
  
• And finally, if those three requests are too much for your angst-ridden sensibilities, then just pretend to be polite and thankful for the free candy. Is that too much to ask??

So until next year, you little brats, stay away from my door!

~fin~

Chelsea Handler & her ginormous Playboy cover invade Leno

So, Chelsea Handler shows up on Jay Leno... Who gave the better bashing?

Jay Leno says:
"Well, here's the thing. Nobody cares what you think."

Chelsea Handler says:
"Now everybody is finally starting to realize that you are EXACTLY like David Letterman"

Well, either way, last night's Leno was all the better for this... a more-than-life-size copy of Chelsea on the cover of Playboy.

Whoa. That's a big... cover.

The Smartwatch: at the very least, it better tell time!

No longer a vision from our Panavision, technicolored sci-fi future... it's a Blackberry Smartwatch...


OOOH... AAAAH....


Which should be the opposite of fun the first few months it hits the market, seeing how it's not from the RIM folks who make the Blackberry. It'll be aggravating and a joke for a while, then eventually when all the kinks get ironed out, everybody'll be talking into their wrists like the way superspies are supposed to communicate with headquarters, etc.

And we'll all also be scouring the magnifying reading glasses racks because none of us will be able to read the microscopic print of our favorite websites and emails.

We'll be able to talk into our wrists and we'll be blind. Yay. The future sounds great.

5 Years old, Benchpressing & Buff

Ya gotta check out this 5-year old bodybuilder.
He's also a world record title holder... yeah, no freaking kidding. I don't know any other 5-year olds that would take him on. My 2 1/2 year old niece lifting a 10 pound pumpkin nearly had me paging the guys at Guinness.


This is both alarming and fascinating...

For $140K, Charlize Theron better be a GOOD KISSER!

OK, so here are the highlights:

* Charlize Theron

* Charity auction

* $140,000

* Make out with the winning bidder


Here's the footage:

Need a Halloween Costume? There's an app for that.

Actually, I wouldn't know if there really was an app for that -- I'm a Blackberry girl myself, actively anti-Apple and anything i-Related.

I'll save that rant for another day.

However, gotta show respect for what has to be one of the coolest Halloween costumes I've ever seen.



I wonder if you can also actually stream PST with that bad boy...

"What's the matter Colonel Sanders... CHICKEN?!"

Good to know security measures are fully in place at places where important-type people gather.

Check out this Colonel Sanders who popped up at the UN for a photo op.

I've gotta give this guy some props for the size of his cajones, but maybe it was a mistake. I wonder if he was out early trick or treating.

Yeah, coz that would make so much more sense.

OR. I wonder if the Colonel's secret recipe is considered a state secret, and is actually a matter of global importance.

...

Yeah, that one doesn't fly either, huh?

OLD School Rap. Like Proper-English-School Rap

The History of Hip-Hop... as told by the Mr. B, the Gentleman Rhymer.

In a style hereafter known as Chap-Hop.

Cheerio!

Let Them Eat... R2D2 ?!

25 Awesome Geek Cakes ... yes it's a compilation, and of course I found it online. Sweet.

Some of the highlights:

Security Check... ?! It's not like it's Fort Knox!

Anybody ever posting anything worthwhile on pretty much any decent website -- specifically Facebook -- knows of the dreaded Security Check.

The interminable, occasionally challenging, additional clicks that go between your cyberbrilliance and infecting the world with it.

And I do appreciate it. Don't want any ol' hacker posting crap while disguised as you, and making you look like some person that thinks Acai Berries really will help you score tons of authentic Rolex watches and Cialis.

It's all good.

HOWEVER... it's just a freaking web page. Not Fort Knox. I'll play these little Security Check games. Like typing out squiggly words. Or squiggly words that don't make sense.

But I refuse to tolerate the following:

or worse:



What the hell is that?!

And why are you trying to prevent me from posting a picture of one of the Olsen twins with pie splattered all over her face?

SO NOT COOL!

A Bat Man. In Real Life.

Because it's so crappy out, and you're probably sitting at your desk looking for inspiration to get up and do something (other than use the restroom or refill your coffee cup), so this video is a must-watch.



I think it'll conjure an out loud laugh or two, coz it's so ridiculous.


I don't know how to describe other than, "It's Batman. Like a literal Bat... Man..."



As if that'll explain it all.

Housewives Desperate For a Shot in The Arm

Well, the TiVo was totally misbehaving last night by not taping my shows, so it got a time out (while I try and catch up online).

Meanwhile, I did check out this Desperate Housewives clip (which was a def spoiler, but at least it seemed entertaining enough that I might actually be interested in watching DH this week. Hasn't it been a total snore-fest this season??)

Susan wielding a gun and someone actually getting shot was definitely the figurative shot-in-the-arm that this show needed.

And shouts to Tuc Watkins -- the actor who plays gay lawyer Bob. He's doing double-duty also playing silly yet charming David Vickers on One Life To Live at the same time. And brilliantly pulling off this failed-Buddhist-slash-adorable scoundrel who is so the anthesis of responsible, no-nonsense Bob. Plus he's hot.

I Bet Da Vinci Couldn't Tackle A Rubik's Cube

Don't Get A Hobby Or Anything --

I was just watching a thing on one of them history/art 'n crafts/home improvement channels about how Da Vinci was behind some of the biggest art-meets-religion hoaxes like the Shroud of Turin.... The guy seems so fascinatingly brilliant and yet crazy.

There is a part of me that likes to think that items of modern entertainment would have frustrated him endlessly. I think he might've been a genius, but I think he would've been bested by the Rubik's Cube. I imagine him repainting all the sides instead of simply peeling off the stickers.

Peeling off the stickers and moving them around on the Rubik's Cube was the tactic lesser people employed.

Lesser people, like me. Gah, still hate you Rubik's Cube.

Flu Shot ... a step in the wrong direction (literally)??

I don't know whether to laugh or cry -- such a crazy TRUE story...

This girl getting the flu shot and now she (wait for it) ... walks backwards.

Beautiful girl, in training to be a Washington Redskins cheerleader, and ten days after getting the flu shot, this:




OK, I'm not trying to be funny... but what the heck is she gonna do next year if she does get the flu?

(Oh my goodness, terrible terrible jokes are brewing somewhere in my cortex. Knock it off, brain. You just knock it off this minute!!)

Poltics is Way Entertaining!

Man, if they'd combined showbiz & politics like this years ago, maybe people would be more interested in what goes on in public office!

And boy is Michelle Obama kinda funny (and camera-ready!)



See, if HilRod had done a couple stints on Mad TV maybe people wouldn't have been so pro-Monica back in the day.

I still strongly believe in the electoral process piggybacking on the competitive ways of American Idol. I might be more likely to make a decision about the NJ gubernatorial race if those guys would quit mud-slinging and grab a microphone.

Frankly, I'd love to see Chris Daggett tackle Born To Be Wild.

So a Deer Walks Into a Hotel Lobby...

In case you've ever wondered, here's what it looks like when a buck wanders into the lobby of a Chinese hotel....

R.I.P. Soupy Sales

January 8, 1926 – October 22, 2009

Soupy relives the infamous "Green Pieces of Paper" stunt earlier this year, here's the clip:





Soupy Sales with Bill O'Reilly:



Great "Pie in the face" moments:

Don't Rainn Wilson on My Parade (har har)

Rainn Wilson.

What else can I say?



Although, I hope this vid hearkens an era of harmless Mischief Night pranks, not that I would know anything of that.

Let's put it this way. At least bologna is biodegradable, but sure is a damn waste if it's not on a slice of Wonder bread with yellow cheese a slap of mayo.

Whoa! So That's What a 70-ft Beached Whale Looks Like!

How come this whale looks way uglier than I thought a whale might look like?

"A 70-foot female blue whale, that officials believe was struck by a ship, is seen washed ashore on the Northern California coast Tuesday, Oct. 20, 2009, near Fort Bragg, Calif. Officials with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration say the whale was spotted on the shores near Fort Bragg in Mendocino County Monday night, hours after an ocean survey vessel reported hitting a whale a few miles away. The dead animal has a gash on its back estimated to be more than 8 feet long. (AP Photo/Larry Wagner) "

On a Special "So You Think You Can Dance"...

At least the show isn't called "So You Think You Can Keep It Together On National TV"


Someone is a wee bit emotional about dancing.

She could beat Sally Struthers in a Who Can Talk And Sound Like They're Crying At The Same Time contest.

Hands down.

Abra Ca-Change-o-the-Channel-o!! (POOF!)

Let's just cut to the chase:

It's a universal remote in the shape of a Magic Wand.

Yes, a Magic Wand.

Don't even try to tell me Magic Wands aren't real.

4 Yrs Old With Mad Skillz

So cute and so impressive.

This adorable little thing was on Ellen the other day. Hahahah he's got such big hair.

Plus with the hat, I thought he was gonna like fall over or something.

Subscription Intimidation

That should be a new term ...

Subscription

Intimidation

That's the confusing, looks-important, junk mail that magazines send you to renew a subscription.


I've been getting an envelope in the mail for the last six months:






I was gifted with a subscription to a certain magazine (go ahead, just look closer) that was supposed to expire last year, but issues kept disappearing or showing up late if they ever showed up at all. So I'd have to complain every time, and they'd keep extending the subscription. (Which was no matter, the magazine was getting crappier with every week's issue -- and I still haven't said the name of the magazine, but you can take a gander yourself.)

The wretched piece of weekly junk was supposed to be done in July, but I'd keep getting these "Requests for Renewal" disguised as "Final Notices" and "Urgent Correspondence" and "Due Immediately" letters.


PFFFF, whatever dudes. Because I didn't even order the subscription. I think if I was the one who paid for it, it might've gotten me worried for a split second.

Can you believe that's how they're attempting to retain business? It's so shady, and well... desperate. Like, if I even felt bad for them, I'd keep renewing it even though the magazine serves better as filler for my recycling bin. But how can I feel bad for you, unnamed entertainment-related magazine, when you keep sending me these thinly veiled threats?!

Yknow, now that I think about it... I don't even think they ever said Please. HMMPH!

OH EM GEEE!!! Scenes from Twilight New Moon!

Settle down, kiddies.

If there's stuff to know from the set of New Moon, I gotcher back.

After all, I brought you scenes from the set...

then that important follow-up known as Taylor Lautner's chest.








So here you go... a scene:



And even if you're not into the whole Twilight franchise thing (even though respectable adults like the Yankees' Joe Girardi are), you may appreciate the abundance of matching bare chests.

They were nice to look at.

Narrow Escape & the Runaway Bus

In the words of the two reporters in unison: "Wake up."

Yeah, this'll definitely wake you up!

YOWZER!

The pedestrian was uninjured (don't know about the driver of the other car) but I sure do get chills watching it.

A-Rod & Jeter. I don't know what else to say.

Aww... so cute. They're buddies. Butt buddies, more like it.

Do I care about sports? Not so much, really? But this? <-- yes, pun intended.

Absolutely.

Behold the infamous butt-grab:

(Yes, it's a link to the video. You can click on it if ya like!)

What Not To Get Me For Christmas

Hello!

Six thousand Lego pieces to fully equip you to build a Taj Mahal replica.

No thanks.


As fascinating as that seems, it sounds incredibly boring. Hahahah.

Don't get me wrong, I love a good jigsaw puzzle. I love word games, and all that other cerebral game-y stuff. But only the kind I can handle. See, I might be intelligent, but I'm not all that bright. I might kick butt at a word scramble, but Sudoku makes my brain hurt. I don't play games or engage in activities that make me feel stupid. Or lazy.

So any type of three dimensional puzzle is bound to get me cranky. I don't handle spatial activites very well.

If you know someone who might enjoy this bad boy -- i.e. my complete opposite -- it's available for $300.

What a bargain. After all, how much is a one-way ticket to India?

Weird Family Portrait (also doubles as fun game!)

Well, what's so weird about this delightful family photo??

How about LOOK CLOSELY!

I hate sofas like that. With people buried in the cushions. But I was quite the fan of the back of the Highlights mag as a kid.

Yay! A hidden pictures game!

Someone grab me my crayon!

Alex, "What is Me Me Me?"

Ouch, this sucks for Kareem.



And yeah, thanks a lot, Trebek. For pointing out the blunder as an "embarassing moment". C'mon! You can't make fun of Kareem Freaking Abdul Jabbar!! He's been on a Wheaties box for goshsakes!!

I think Trebek's just jealous that he doesn't have mad skills on the courts.