Is there a chronic contagious anomaly going around, adversely affecting many of the women nearest and dearest to my heart? Apparently yes. It is an occasionally painful and mysterious condition causing abdomen distension, bursts of inexplicable hormone swings, chemical imbalance, drastic appetite changes, fatigue, and at its peak an uncontrolled release of bodily fluids and debilitating physical pain. All caused by an organism taking up residence in their uterus and feeding off their vital organs, growing, and pushing, and....OK. So it may be quite some time before I ever get around to having kids.
But I am delighted/disturbed/jealous/happy of the literal explosion of round bellies and good news that has been hitting my Facebook newsfeed, or being delivered to me over drinks (where I then realize that I am the only one drinking an actual caffeinated, alcoholic, and/or caffeinated
and alcoholic beverage.)
I can name at least a dozen girls I know who are currently pregnant... two of whom are set to go any second now, and may be done pushing out that parasite, er,
baby even as a I write this. And judging by my notoriously lengthy blog posts, they all just might get birthed by the time I finish. In fact, this current streak of fetus-growing is preceded by the four women I can name who just pushed said being out of their womb within the last three months.
SERIOUSLY?! Looks like there is LOTS of mad lovin' going around!
(And I am also acknowledging the romantic needles-to-the-butt some of you lovely ladies have been enduring from the men who love you most. Aren't they just darlings?)
Well anyhow, since my borderline-OCD mind can only handle so much info in one sitting, I am processing the unsolicited introduction of a dozen new "people" into my life the best way I know how in such stressful conditions:
by making a list.
So I have begun collecting information from all the host bodies, and what I am learning was actually quite informative and actually fascinating to a gal with newly-emptied fallopian tubes. So in the interest of being a person who shares things (occasionally
way too much, but it's my blog so I can do what I want)...
I am introducting this new blog summer series entitled
Toni Ryan's Single Gal's Guide to Pregnant. I will share with you the things they tell me, and the stuff I wonder about when I am up late at night, drunk, or in a food coma from scarfing down Doritos, cold cuts, and Mountain Dew. (I am a sympathy-eater, what can I say. I care.) I might even include pictures of...
babies. Go figure.
* * * * *
Toni Ryan's Single Gal's Guide to Pregnant
VOLUME 1... It's March: Meet My Friends
Tara, 34"Could go any day now... March 8"IS THIS YOUR FIRST?
Second EASIER OR HARDER THIS TIME AROUND?
Harder HOW IS IT THE SAME/DIFFERENT?
Neither-I'd say some familiar feelings/symptoms etc. Some different.
STUFF YOU SKIPPED FROM LEARNING YOU DIDN'T REALLY NEED IT:
Didn't register because I had most everything from my first. Unfortunately I've skipped things I DID need to do like naps, prenatal yoga etc. because there doesn't seem to be a free minute between full time work, another child, and a husband who works nights. Don't want to sound like I'm complaining too much. I feel so lucky to be having a health baby and kid #1 brings me tons of happiness. Didn't really need those $25 maternity tights that still didn't fit even though I was only 4 months along. SOMETHING NO ONE SHARES WITH YOU BEFOREHAND ABOUT BEING PREGNANT:
Labor can really be THAT bad. I mean just horrible. No kidding. Bad. Better that one is prepared. That way, if you are one of the lucky few that has any easy one you'll just be pleasantly surprised. DO YOU KNOW THE BABY'S SEX?
We don't know. For me, focusing on "what will it be?" during labor helped me get through it. Also, husband may have had a moment of dissapointment about no boy at 16 week ultrasound, but when I deliver that healthy baby I don't think it will matter. (I hope!)NAMES PICKED OUT?
Theo or Theodora CRAZIEST CRAVINGS?
No interesting cravings this time, but last time I wanted a lot of red meat . . .and I had been a vegetarian for years. HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK YOU'VE SPENT SO FAR ON THIS PREGNANCY? (and I mean like, pregnancy tests, vitamins, food cravings, new maternity clothing, actual baby purchases already made by you on this baby)
I couldn't even guess.
GUESTIMATE HOW MUCH YOUR ENTIRE REGISTRY WOULD TOTAL IF I ACTUALLY DECIDED TO GO OUT AND BUY EVERYTHING ON IT FOR YOU:
??
ONE THING THAT ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER/PREGNANT GAL WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD SOUND SO OUTRAGEOUS TO YOUR SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS:
Probably nothing-but I think that's the outrageous part. * * * * *
Jacque, 30"March 3rd"
IS THIS YOUR FIRST?
Yes!IS IT GOING EXACTLY LIKE YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD? BETTER or WORSE?
I think it's going a lot worse. I had NO IDEA what pregancy truly does to your body. Don't get me wrong, the end result is worth it, but it is miserable, especially in the 9th month. You just feel so swollen and uncomfortable that you just want it to be over so that you can be normal again!IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU KNEW BEFORE THAT MIGHT'VE BEEN USEFUL?
My feet and legs kept swelling really bad. After 2 days of bed rest, they finally went down. I had this for a month before I realized this. If I would have know, I would have bed rested much sooner!!DO YOU KNOW THE SEX?
Nope, the sex is a surpriseDO YOU HAVE NAMES PICKED OUT?
We do for the girl- Mariana. However, for the boy's name.... we cannot come to an agreement. I need a "couples court" again! I have 10 different names that I like, but Dave does not like any of them, and he has NO suggestions, but continues to criticize everything I've picked. The only name he likes is Arthur, and I'm not naming my kid Arty Farty. Can we take a vote, and let the listeners decide the boys name??? LOL c
CRAZIEST CRAVING?
Well, mashed potatoes and lots of ice cream, but it's not all that crazy
HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK YOU'VE SPENT SO FAR ON THIS PREGNANCY?
Over $10,000, with med bills and baby furniture, and all those other suppliesGUESTIMATE YOUR REGISTRY TOTAL:
probably $8,000ONE THING THAT WOULD SOUND SO OUTRAGEOUS TO YOUR SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS:
The way your bladder feels when you have to pee RIGHT now, with no warning... or how you pee when you sneeze in the 9th month.... I know... it's gross!!* * * * *
Andrea, 30DUE DATE?
July 22nd
IS THIS YOUR FIRST?
Yes
IS IT GOING EXACTLY LIKE YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD? BETTER or WORSE?
Better!
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU KNEW BEFORE THAT MIGHT'VE BEEN USEFUL?
No. There's so much material (books, magazines, online, advice from experienced mothers, television shows on the Health Channel and your doctor.) Some of it gets overwhelming because there's too much information. Some sources suggest doing certain things like eating specific foods and some suggest not too. It's just best to ask your doctor what's best for YOU because everyone's pregnancy is different.DO YOU KNOW THE SEX?
We'll hopefully find out in two weeks at our second ultrasound. My Father-In-Law hasn't decided yet if he wants to be surprised or not so we might keep it a surprise but that will be extremely difficult. We have a feeling he'll want to know but we have to still ask him first before we blurt it out and then if he wants to be surprised our registry won't announce the sex either.DO YOU HAVE NAMES PICKED OUT?
Dean if it's a boy and Paige if it's a girl. We're having differences with the middle names.
CRAZIEST CRAVING?
Nothing crazy just spicy! Buffalo Chicken Wraps with extra Buffalo sauce no bleu cheese or ranch dressing.HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK YOU'VE SPENT SO FAR ON THIS PREGNANCY?
I was going to say close to $200 before the food cravings. The food cravings is hard to calculate. I guess you can tack on another $100-$175 within these four months.GUESTIMATE YOUR ENTIRE REGISTRY TOTAL:
$2000.00
ONE THING THAT ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER/PREGNANT GAL WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD SOUND SO OUTRAGEOUS OR FOREIGN TO YOUR SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS:
A flutter
* * * * *
"Due in August", 34HOW FAR ALONG? (in months or weeks, however you people do it):
17 weeksDUE DATE?
Aug 10th
IS THIS YOUR FIRST?
no, 2ndIS IT EASIER OR HARDER THIS TIME AROUND?
the first 3 months were worse...morning sickness that I didn't have with the first, but now it's much easier since I know what to expect.IS IT GOING THE SAME AS LAST TIME, OR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT?
Completely different...except for being extremely tired...that never changes.STUFF YOU SKIPPED THIS TIME AROUND BC YOU LEARNED YOU REALLY DIDN'T NEED IT? (activity, registry, food, habit, whatever)
I won't resigster, and won't buy a lot of the things I thought I would need for the first...like all the blankets and anything that wouldn't be completely comfortable. Also, I do a lot more everyday activities...no one's spoiling me this time around.SOMETHING YOU NOW KNOW THAT NO ONE SHARES WITH YOU BEFOREHAND...
the bad: back labor is insanely painful...like someone is trying to push a spear through your tailbone...and the only relief is for someone to push against your back
the good: the love you feel for your baby is amazingly strong...it changes everything about who you are...even your priorities.DO YOU KNOW THE SEX? AND WILL YOU BE SHARING THIS INFO?
not yet, but we hope to and yes, we will share
DO YOU HAVE NAMES PICKED OUT?
not yet. don't want to pick until we know the sex
HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK YOU'VE SPENT SO FAR ON THIS PREGNANCY?
not much yet...but it's early. by the time baby gets here in August probably about $3500-$4000.GUESTIMATE YOUR ENTIRE REGISTRY TOTAL:
don't plan to register for much...maybe $500ONE THING THAT ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER/PREGNANT GAL WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD SOUND SO OUTRAGEOUS OR FOREIGN TO YOUR SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS:
that it's comforting to feel the baby moving about and that you really miss it once baby arrives.
* * * * *
Jaime, 28"Due Oct 1st"
IS THIS YOUR FIRST?
nopeEASIER THIS TIME AROUND?
It's going well, Im just more tired.
IS IT GOING THE SAME AS LAST TIME?
A few different symptomsSOMETHING NO ONE SHARES WITH YOU BEFOREHAND
the lack of sleep, and how hard parenting can really be, the love you have for your child as they grow.DO YOU KNOW THE SEX?
I will find out later on and share the infoHOW MUCH DO YOU THINK YOU'VE SPENT SO FAR ON THIS PREGNANCY? (pregnancy tests, vitamins, food cravings, new maternity clothing, actual baby purchases already made by you on this baby)
maybe $50
GUESTIMATE HOW MUCH YOUR ENTIRE REGISTRY WOULD TOTAL:
Last time (my first) prb over 1000ONE THING THAT ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER/PREGNANT GAL WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD SOUND SO OUTRAGEOUS OR FOREIGN TO YOUR SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS:
Hmm, maybe the days go SO slow, but the weeks and months seem to fly by!* * * * *
Allison, 2713 weeks... "Sept. 2nd"
IS THIS YOUR FIRST?
Yes IS IT GOING EXACTLY LIKE YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD?
Yes, so far. I didn't really know what to expect but so far everything seems pretty normal.
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU KNEW BEFORE THAT MIGHT'VE BEEN USEFUL?
I wish I had known that the pre-natal vitamins could make you sicks. Thanks doc for the heads up.DO YOU KNOW THE BABY'S SEX?
Not yet, but we will find out on April 15th.
DO YOU HAVE NAMES PICKED OUT?
No not really believe it or not.
CRAZIEST CRAVING?
Nothing crazy but I want sweets all the time.HOW MUCH YOU'VE SPENT SO FAR ON THIS PREGNANCY:
Well not much b/c I'm so early still and haven't had to buy any new clothes or anything, so you might want to check back in a couple of months. But right now i'd say only $70 on vitamins and its only that much b/c the first ones made me sick so i had to buy new ones.ONE THING THAT ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER/PREGNANT GAL WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD SOUND SO OUTRAGEOUS OR FOREIGN TO YOUR SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS:
Again i'm not that far along yet so I haven't had anything too crazy happen, but the one that comes to mind is the extreme about of gas you have...and breast soreness is outragous too.* * * * *
Janice, 35"July 5"
HOW FAR ALONG? (in months or weeks, however you people do it):
23 weeks (about 5 months)IS THIS YOUR FIRST?
NoEASIER OR HARDER THIS TIME?
Harder. Having a 2-yr-old to keep up with does not give you the leisure time to rest!IS IT GOING THE SAME AS LAST TIME, OR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT?
Relatively the same. I did have some nausea this time which I did not have last time. However, I was seeing a chiropractor regularly with my first and I was getting massages a lot. I haven't done any of that this time, and I think it is really apparent that I would have felt better if I did.STUFF YOU SKIPPED THIS TIME AROUND BC YOU LEARNED YOU REALLY DIDN'T NEED IT? (activity, registry, food, habit, whatever)
No registry since we have mostly everything we need.SOMETHING YOU NOW KNOW THAT NO ONE SHARES WITH YOU BEFOREHAND
Things don't always go the way you would like them to. You can have the best laid plan for your delivery, but it just depends on what your baby is going to let you do! I also think no matter what anyone tells you to try to prepare you for it, being a first time mom is an experience that you just have to have to understand. Same as having two kids. I'm still freaked out!
DO YOU KNOW THE SEX? AND WILL YOU BE SHARING THIS INFO?
Yes we know and yes we are sharing. We are having a boy.DO YOU HAVE NAMES PICKED OUT? WHAT ARE THEY?
Not yet. If left to my husband, this boy would be named after a Roman emperor or some crazy warrior type name. I'll have to be sure they come with the birth certificate paperwork when he is not in the room! lolCRAZIEST CRAVING?
Nothing really crazy. I was craving pickles for awhile (I suppose the sour helps with nausea) and now surprisingly chocolate and peanut butterHOW MUCH DO YOU THINK YOU'VE SPENT SO FAR ON THIS PREGNANCY?
Wow, I have no idea. Maybe $300 on tests, copays, vitamins, and a few maternity clothes. I don't really need maternity clothes since I have them, but I would like to get a few things. I also need to buy boy clothes and *maybe* a double stroller. Still undecided about that.
GUESTIMATE HOW MUCH YOUR ENTIRE REGISTRY WOULD TOTAL:
My registry from my first baby was maybe $1500? I also didn't register for quite a few things though, such as the crib, clothes, convertible car seat, etc.ONE THING THAT ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER/PREGNANT GAL WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD SOUND SO OUTRAGEOUS OR FOREIGN TO YOUR SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS:
There are so many things that I don't even think I could put them down. I think the first and foremost is the feeling you get when your baby moves inside. A lot of people get really freaked out by it. I even did when my sister was pregnant a couple years before we started trying. My husband is a little weirded out by it too. But it's such a feeling that I missed so much when I delivered my first baby, and it's a feeling that makes pregnancy so very special.* * * * *
Chris, 36
Mid-JuneIS THIS YOUR FIRST?
no, 2nd.
EASIER OR HARDER THIS TIME AROUND? HARDER!!!!
I'm older & chasing a very active 3 year-old around!IS IT GOING THE SAME AS LAST TIME, OR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT?
Different...much more evening sickness.STUFF YOU SKIPPED THIS TIME AROUND BC YOU LEARNED YOU REALLY DIDN'T NEED IT? (activity, registry, food, habit, whatever)
Veggies & stretch mark cream on my belly...I did it faithfully last time, and still got them!SOMETHING YOU NOW KNOW THAT NO ONE SHARES WITH YOU BEFOREHAND
That you'll have like a 6-week period after giving birth! UGH!
DO YOU HAVE NAMES PICKED OUT? WHAT ARE THEY?
Not yet...letting the listeners suggest, then we'll pick from the list.CRAZIEST CRAVING?
Crunchy Cheez Doodles & cheese steaks!HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK YOU'VE SPENT SO FAR ON THIS PREGNANCY?
Hundreds!ONE THING THAT ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER/PREGNANT GAL WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD SOUND SO OUTRAGEOUS OR FOREIGN TO YOUR SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS:
That one kick can take your breath away, literally....and I pee constantly.* * * * *
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Eva, 28"28 weeks / 7 months "
DUE DATE?
around May 25, 2009IS THIS YOUR FIRST?
YES...its going awesome!! I love being pregnant. I have always wanted children so I have always asked all the scary and normal pregnancy questions to most of the moms I have known throughout my life. I have to say the one feeling I don't think anyone can explain is how amazing it was to feel and see the first full fledge kick!! It really gave me a reality check that I was pregnant. :)
DO YOU KNOW THE SEX?
Yes we do!!!
AND WILL YOU BE SHARING THIS INFO?
We are having a BOY!!!DO YOU HAVE NAMES PICKED OUT?
yes...we have a few and actually never thought that boys names would be so hard to chose. they few that we have are Mason, William, Jackson or Jack every week we think of more. We have decided that we are going to pick maybe our 2 favorites in the end and see what we think when we see him :)
CRAZIEST CRAVING?
I haven't had any crazy cravings I have just really liked eating.
HOW MUCH HAS THIS COST YOU SO FAR?
Not too much because we have really lucked out with hand me downs from family and friends. Plus early advice given to me to not ever buy maternity clothing full price. Which was awesome advice because it goes on sale relatively quickly. I think we have probably spent maybe $300-$500 so far mainly me for clothes.
YOUR ENTIRE REGISTRY WOULD TOTAL:
Maybe about $800-$1000 but its not all really things that are have to haves. In my opinion we just really needed a stroller which we have already received, and we are using my old crib. All the rest of the items aside from bottles are just cute extras that we would like to have to start out baby's life but essentially don't have to have :)ONE THING THAT ONLY ANOTHER MOTHER/PREGNANT GAL WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD SOUND SO OUTRAGEOUS OR FOREIGN TO YOUR SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS:
I just think the feeling of that first kick no one but a mother or expecting mom could ever understand that feeling/sensation.
Disclaimer: And by the way, save your hate mail - I am totally kidding with my baby jokes. The only people who can complain are my glowing aforementioned mom-to-be's. And if you don't know I'm kidding than you obviously don't know me. Which means we should get to know each other and then you'll love me and my terrible terrible humor. In fact you will want to buy me drinks and an expensive dinner. So let's be friends.
I'm kind of a big deal on "the exchange", if you will.
Well, feel free to join. They'll even start you with an easy two mill.
So there it is. The gauntlet. I dropped it.
Seriously. These shows might get re-energized if they changed the title to something more accurate. Like, "Ballroom Dancing Competition with People You May or May Not Have Heard Of". We'll do recaps of "B D C P Y M M N H H". People will make bets, and often make mistakes because they got names confused.
House.
* Wow Matt Giraud... first one outta the gate, lucky you, the ultimate compliment from Smokey Robinson. How is he go anywhere not being compared to Justin Timberlake, though? Motown is so up his alley. But is he gonna make it through "Songs by Linda Rondstadt" night? Or "Late-80's-British-pop" night? He is no Rick Astley. He cannot 
* Write this down, 2009, the year I realized Paula Abdul could be an intelligent, normal human being. I don't know if I'll ever stop being surprised by this realization.
1. What is your occupation right now?
