American Idle. Dancing With People You Don't Know.

Seriously. These shows might get re-energized if they changed the title to something more accurate. Like, "Ballroom Dancing Competition with People You May or May Not Have Heard Of". We'll do recaps of "B D C P Y M M N H H". People will make bets, and often make mistakes because they got names confused.

"Yeah, I put a hundred down on that Steve guy."
"Which one is Steve?"
"The white guy."
"Ok, I need more than that. What's he do?"
"I think he invented something. Or he won something."
"OH, you mean the dude that shaved Britney's head?"
"Yeah, I think that's the one. Put me down for a hundred."

Seriously, "Dancing With The Stars" is now a complete misnomer. They're not stars. Maybe they used to be, but the word "star" should mean bonafide "celebrity". Like Madonna. Like Brad. Beyonce. Even Keanu.

Not athletes. Not beauty queens. And certainly not cast members from Reality TV Shows. To call them "Reality TV Stars" is a complete oxymoron. Like jumbo shrimp.

Here's my meter:

Dakota Fanning, star.
Carrie Fisher, star.
Uganda Prime Minister General Yoweri Kaguta Museveni, non-star.
Mariah Carey, star.
Justin Guarini, non-star.
O.J. Simpson, star. <-- he's more than just an athlete, and we all know that.
Kato Kaelin, non-star.
Omarosa, non-star.
Howard Stern, star.
Howard K. Stern, non-star.
Anna Nicole Smith, star. <-- though that'd be a pretty impressive show if they managed that. That's just for starters. So, my point is, the show should be called something else. "You Don't Know Us, But We Like To Dance". "Dance Contest... Some of us Suck, but Some of us are Trained Professionals" .

I could go on.

Same for Idol though.

"American* Idol... (*Includes US Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, and Guam)"
"Popularity Contest With Really Incredible Singing Sometimes"
"The Paula Abdul Show"
"RyCrest Is a Tease"
"The Ford Motor Company Entertainment Hour"
"The Real World... The Musical"
"A Talent Show"


House.

"Weird Medicine"

"Dr. Attitude."

"Princeton 08540"

"Dr. 08540"

I mean, let's face it. The word "house" makes people think it might be a show about... a house. Or better yet, people living in one. Like Eight Is Enough. Or I Married Dora. Plus, God forbid anything happens to Hugh Laurie, or he decides to leave the show. They need a backup name ready. It's not like they can go the Valerie Harper route and change the name to "House's Doctor Friends Still At The Hospital".

Then there's Lost.

"Lost. (We guarantee it.)"

"Gilligan & Friends"

"In Hurley's Head"

"Mind Games"

"How Can We Make Hawaii Look Like Other Places Around the World?"

"The Revenge of the Smoke Monster"

OK, my creative side feels fully depleted. I must rest now.