Major Klutz

Nearly fell in a pool yesterday.

Was at a bridal shower being held in my pal's beautiful backyard yesterday... the sprawling deck, the huge pool, and big tree over the lawn with the beautifully decorated tables. I was making my sauve entrance down the steps of the deck... when my heel got caught in the decking, and I felt myself lurch forward....

Luckily, I came to an awkward halt barely a foot away from the edge of the foot. Yeah, I'm sure I looked real smooth. Real smooth.

What's funny is that Chris Rollins was there to witness this near-disaster, and I can't remember exactly what she said, but I know we thought the same thing: "Oh my God, not again!"

Chris & I were at another bridal shower last fall, when I started a fire. Right at the table. We were playing a bridal shower word search, happily sharing our answers with the other gals at the table. I leaned over to show my card to the folks across from me, not realizing I had the card sitting right on top of a candle.

"Oh my God, Toni. Fire!"

At which point, I began to fan the card in the air. Duh. Chris had the sense to pat something down to stop the flames (very minor, but still quite alarming). It was still burning a little, so I threw the card in a cup of 7-Up, but not after dropping some ash in Chris' lap. She brushed the ashes off, which would've been easy enough if she wasn't wearing brand new BLACK dress pants. Grey streaks of ash on her pants + an incinerated index card in my soda = total Ethel/Lucy moment right there.

I'm a little clumsy. Either that, or I am a disaster magnet. I've been pretty good in my old age, but I was quite the little klutz in my younger days. Food on the floor. Ink on my clothes. Walking into stuff. Ugh. I could go on, but I am depressing myself.

"One o' them there shows"

My friend Lauren is an incredible singer. So of course, as is to be expected these days, anyone with a passing singing ability on up to those super-vocalists must get told all the time that they "should be on Idol!!"

Yes, this happens to Lauren all the time. She sang at party my parents had, and my aunt's boyfriend Mike said, "Y'know Lauren, you really should be on one o' them there shows."

"Them there shows" being American Idol, we assume. We laugh at this, as if she's never heard this suggestion before (certainly not put in such a descriptive way), but also because not only does he think it's such a brilliant idea that she's hearing for the first time, but he thinks it's a brilliant idea EVERY time he tells her. Neither of us has the heart to tell him.

So, finally, maybe to get him to shut his pie-hole, she will audition this summer when American Idol comes back to town for auditions on August 19 at the Meadowlands. (Tell all your karaoke buddies, and secret shower-singers) It seems in years past, fate has gotten in the way of her auditioning when the Idol try-outs were local, but hopefully this year she will have her chance. And now that I'm posting it here, she will not be able to flake out and blame it on her nerves.

If things go well, we finally can ask Mike, "Hey, did you see Lauren on one of them there shows?". Fingers crossed.

"I'm having dinner at Faith & Tim's..."

OK, I'm not really. I do like the sound of it though... that I'm headed over to Faith & Tim's for dinner, not just 'coz the "Faith & Tim" I refer to are uber-celebs Faith HILL & Tim McGRAW.

I just get the impression that if it weren't for fame and the fact that they live godknowswhere, I think that if Faith & Tim lived in my neighborhood, we'd be best buddies. He'd have some vague office job at some pharmaceutical company, she'd have a part-time job at the library when she wasn't shuttling the kids to soccergirlscoutsballettennispiano. She hosts Pampered Chef parties, he picks up my mail when we're out of town. I can totally see it.

How did I come about this deluded suburban fantasy? All because of the video I caught this morning.... have you already heard this story? Tim's doing a show in Washington the other night, where he sees this rowdy fan in the front row start hitting some woman. He calls for security to get rid of the guy, and ends up just pulling the guy onstage himself, where he nearly has to throw a punch at the guy. All during this instrumental break! Tim never even misses a beat!!! Two seconds later, he's back to singing as if this happens all the time. You'd think they staged the whole thing! How awesome is he?!

Here, take a look for yourself:



Totally reminded me of the incident with Faith Hill (last year?) when someone woman grabbed Tim's crotch and Faith flipped out (all set to song... it was like Trapped in the Closet. But different.) Best part: "You don’t go grabbin' somebody else's... somebody's husband's balls, you understand me? That's very disrespectful.” <-- now imagine that, as sung by Faith Hill. The two of them must be such pistols in real life. I want to know them. To the naked eye, they might seem like polite Southern folk, but on closer inspection they are probably spunky, call-it-like-they-see-it sarcastic blankitty-blanks, who can probably drink you under the table again and again. And they love their kids.

FAITH & TIM! MOVE TO JERSEY!
And remember to invite me over for dinner when you do. Or game night. You guys are probably a blast at Charades.

Poop Freeze - "Frost it & Toss it!"

I just heard of this product called Poop Freeze. I'm not even kidding you.

"[A] specially formulated aerosol freeze spray that forms a frosty film on dog poop to harden the surface for easy pick-up"

To heck with all that! I don't even have a dog, and I am so buying a can! Imagine all the fun you'd have with that. I'd walk around randomly shooting stuff with a spritz. OMG, I would be a complete menace to society.

Here's the stuff in action:

Only $9.95 for a 4 oz. can --- $14.95 for a 10 oz. can! I'M IN!

Britney's custody hearing? She can hear fine, thank you.

This report of today's proceedings thus far is from Access Hollywood online, and it totally cracked me up:


9:50 AM PDT
Everyone returns to the courtroom. Britney is sworn in.

Judge: "State your name."

Britney: "Britney."

Judge (laughing): "Full name please."

Britney: "Britney Spears."



What an idiot. Someone give her back her kids, pronto.

The word "shorti" actually means "shorti-ish"

Someone in the office made a Wawa run for lunch, and came back with exactly what I ordered. A Shorti with Healthy Choice Ham, lettuce, tomato, and no cheese. Sort of. Apparently they didn't have the Healthy Choice, so it's just... ham, which is fine. But I just learned that the "shorti" is not the smallest in their line of sandwiches. Where I pictured the "shorti" as a little bullet of a sandwich, what arrived was twice that size.

I guess what I wanted was the "junior". Who knew?!

Yeah, I ate it all anyway. I'm stuffed!

D.I.Y. Mishaps. Confess now.

The business of home-improvement/ repairs/ renovation is a $215 billion industry . Yeah, no kidding. Look at the size of Home Depot or Lowes. Those places need their own zip-codes!

It's all probably because of shows like Trading Spaces and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition for getting our creative juices flowing and thinking about how our homes could be better, bigger, and TV-ready at all times.

And it's not just the shows! There are whole entire cable channels devoted to getting us thinking that our homes need improvement (HGTV= Home & Garden TV, FNL=Fine Living Channel, and the direct-and-to-the-point DIY=Do It Yourself Channel).

And we know what we want, because we've all seen enough of Cribs to know we want plasma TVs on our walls, customized built-ins for our junk, and a fancy oasis "where the magic happens" (formerly known as the bedroom). Ty Pennington has convinced me I want a bowling alley in my rec room. I also want a hibachi grill in my kitchen even though I am primarily an oven and microwave girl.

But the downside is not that they created a world of unrealistic expectations of a tricked-out home, but that they make it seem like you could actually do it on your own! I don't care that these shows proved that all I need is two thousand bucks to transform my house and sell it for an extra ten grand. Or with $500 and a weekend while out of town, I can have the ultimate spa bathroom.

Because IT CAN'T BE DONE! Most of watching don't have two thousand bucks laying around, or more importantly-- the guts to start ripping out our own drywall! SURE, I hate my bathroom tile, but you don't see me taking a sledgehammer to the floor because I saw Hilde put in gorgeous Pergo flooring for less than a hundred dollars.

Which brings me back to this $215 billion dollar industry... I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to believe that there is now a growing new segment of this industry that stands to make even more money. And that is: repairing home renovations that have gone wrong. Anybody in the biz knows that there is money to be made off of losers like us who have screwed up a DIY project and now need a PRO to come in and fix the error of our self-sufficient & stubborn ways.

OK, fine. I'll share my DIY Mishap, if you share yours. Deal?

(Deep breath). So... I got a brilliant idea in my head that I needed wire shelves in my closet. Got out the drill, made a few holes. Watched the screws fall out because apparently I'm supposed to look for studs before I stick a drill in the wall. Drilled a few more holes. Hung up my shelves, and voila. Shelves.

And then I learned about what a level is for.

The epilogue to this tale of DIY woe is that the crooked shelves are no longer around. But the holes are still in the wall to serve as a costant reminder of my DIY failures.

I use the yellow pages now.

I can't wait to have kids. I hope I have six. All boys.

My pal Abby from high school stays in touch by email and the occasional thought-provoking or funny forward. I will classify this as both of the latter.

Not sure if this was forwarded from a friend of a friend, or if this has been circulating the internet. Either way, you should get a chuckle or two. Or 25.

"... And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. "

Surprise! It's a bike race!

I'll do my best to not dwell too much on this subject, bc honestly I'm still a little p.o.'d even though I know I need to move on.

This past Sat was this bike race in Rocky Hill that pretty much ties up a stretch of 518 and surrounding roads. 2nd year in a row. And 2nd year in a row that I don't think people were adequately informed this thing was going down. As if people won't need to use these roads because it's in the middle of the sticks, and it's a Saturday morning. Au contraire, folks.

Last year, got trapped in the boonies with my internal GPS trying to figure out my own detour. No signage, just closed roads everywhere I turned. If I was just a smidge less stubborn, I would've just turned around and went home. But I was determined (and by then, a half hour late to my appointment) when I finally saw the pack of cyclists and figured it all out for myself.

This year, BY ACCIDENT, I happened to come across a packet looking for sponsors for this event. Not a press release, a solicitation. And this year, I happened to drive down one of the roads in question earlier in the week, and those electronic billboard was set up flashing the info. Knowing I'd have to drive through this stretch, I gave myself an extra fifteen minutes to go the long way around this whole thing, and still arrived late. Boy was I steaming mad.

WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR RACE. Because it's good to generate road rage and make people late to their appointments.

OK, I'm done. The End.

Clarifying Shampoo. Yes I wanna talk about it.

Just a thought for the ladies... (and/or the guys, but I know half of you guys probably use bar soap to wash your hair)...

CLARIFYING SHAMPOO. Anybody got any experience with it? I used to pretty much ignore those products, because it just sounded like a fresh new selling perspective for the shampoo industry.

I was at Short Hills Mall with my friend Krystle, and there was an Aveda store (fancy!), so she decided she wanted to go in and splurge on some good shampoo. She's always saying that she has a hard time finding a really good volumizing shampoo for her thin hair... always works for the first few days or weeks, then just... stops working. The girl at the store -- instead of just trying to hawk all their products on us -- actually was pretty informative about the importance of using clarifying shampoo. Apparently, product and oil just builds up on the hair shaft and once a week you should clean up the gunk with a clarifier. I've heard of switching up shampoos, but I think I always thought it was 'cause your hair gets "bored" with the shampoo and starts misbehaving. The salesgirl even bluntly said, "And we have a clarifying shampoo here, but you don't even have to use ours, you can use any clarifying shampoo."

Fast forward to today, and before she even said anything, I noticed that Krystle's hair actually looked... volumized. "So it's working out with that volumizing shampoo, huh?"
"Actually, I did buy a clarifying shampoo like that girl said, and it worked!"

So there's more to actually using clarifying shampoo than just fancy terminology on the bottle! I've been using Garnier shampoo for colored hair, which I really love, but was worried I'd have to seek out a new shampoo bc I thought I was getting hair-boredom. But now looks like some clarifying shampoo is in order.

What's your experience? My mom says a rinse of white vinegar will do the same thing, so "don't buy those expensive products. It's a waste of your money." $4 for Neutrgena clarifying shampoo? I think not. Besides I actually did try the white vinegar thing (just to shut her up), and I guess it kinda worked, but I did get some vinegar in my eyes. So while my hair looked fab, my eyes were bloodshot and stinking, and I was pretty pissed off.

"T" as in "Toni"

Today's PST Personal Playlist belonged to a gal named Georgette Shamyer, or as I pronounced it on air, "Georgette SHAY-meyer". She was kind enough to call to say thanks for playing her list, which is when I realized it was "Georgette Sham-Yer". Just like it's spelled. Hahahah, that's a shame, sorry Georgette!

That got me to thinking about how when we introduce ourselves to people, or in places where someone has to call your name (doctor's office, DMV, etc.) where they mis-pronounce your name and you have to correct them. Then you have to decide, "Is it worth correcting this person?". I find that girls named Andrea (as in the ANN-dree-YAHs and the On-DRAY-yahs of the world) are always quick to correct you when you get it wrong --- cut me some slack ladies, that one is tricky!

I'm curious to know how the rest of you handle it... let me know if got some clever way of doing it without embarassing the other person. I could use a handy tip.

What about when you're spelling your name for someone? What do you use? First names? Things? Don't you feel like there are the usual standbys...? Like "C, as in 'cat'." Or "B, like 'boy'." Sometimes I get stupid when I'm spelling stuff out for other people, and I can't think of words that start with that letter, and then plain nonsense comes out of my mouth. Case in point: "Edgewater? It's spelled E... D, like David... G, as in... gaah... geeeh.... Generosity." I'm such an idiot.

When I took Italian in college, they taught us, that in Italy, they use the names of Italian cities when spelling for other people. Like if we did it here, we'd say: "M as in Manhattan... T like Tampa..."

I don't know if I like that. I'd be stumbling thinking of geography while I'm trying to spell.... gah, too much multi-tasking. I mean, this is totally me just spelling my own name: "It's Toni. That's T like ... like... Toni. .... O.... as in Oh!... N like Nancy... I. Y'know. I."

Yeah, real smooth.

Jon & Kate Plus 8 Marathon tonight

8p TLC.

'Nuff said.

First cup o' Joe in nearly three weeks. Whoa.

Feeling pretty lackluster this morning, so I give up. I need a cup of coffee.

The green tea is just not cuttin' it today, I feel like I could just lay down on the floor and take a nap. Thank God the studio floor is dirty, or I'd really do it.

I drink my coffee black, with two Splenda. As you can imagine, black coffee like that can pack a little zing when you haven't had it in a while. (Kinda like lighting up a cigarette again long after quitting smoking. But that's a whole other blog right there.)

I expect I'll be a little nutso and hyper within the hour.

I feel bad for my co-workers.

** UPDATE **

12:53 PM
I found it!

I knew I just read this.

Recent study found that
1) drinking up to six cups of coffee a day does not pose a risk of dying early and
2) drinking coffee daily may improve your life expectancy... women who regularly down coffee had a 25% lower risk of dying from heart disease than chicks who didn't.

BOTTOMS UP!

Mypace & Facebook have got NOTHIN' on The HOFF

Was is wrong with us?

Us Americans, I mean. Like, why don't we get the supreme force of nature that is David Hasselhoff? Apparently we're immune to the europhic joy that only Germans (for example) can experience at the sight and sound of The Hoff. We must be missing out.

And now. Behold. He is taking on Myspace and Facebook with his own version of a social networking site... HOFFSPACE.

Please. Maybe David Hasselhoff would be better served in other arenas where he can exploit his fame (or lack thereof).

I shall begin a list of products/services he should consider, feel free to add on:

• The Hoff should hawk an indoor countertop grill. Heck, if he's lazy, it could be called The David Hasselhoff GeorgeForemanGrill.
  
• His own line of jewelry (for men) on QVC. It has worked for Suzanne Somers and Susan Lucci. I know because I buy all of it. I'll even buy Hasselhoff cufflinks if they're available.
  
• A line of salad dressing, popcorn, and pasta sauce. Hasselhoff's Own.
  
• Why hasn't any celeb taken on the office supply industry? There is money to be made there. I might not buy David Hasselhoff Copy Paper (8.5 x 11), but I might buy David Hasselhoff Address labels (comparable to the Avery 4150).
  
• A Public Service Announcement for People Against Drunk Dialing. It could start with a scenario of this drunk guy (or gal) at the end of the night, getting in his/her car, an instead of pulling out a set keys, pulling a ... cell phone ... and then they begin dialing. CUT TO... Hasselhoff in studio. "Has this ever happened to you?...."
  
• David Hasselhoff GPS. Instead of getting to choose between an Australian guy or a French woman telling you when to turn left, it's just the voice of KITT. Just KITT. That's it. No options.

Jon & Kate Plus 8. Of COURSE we'll talk about it!!

What is not to love about this show?

I usually prefer the episodes with a story (kids going to get a haircut, Kate makes edible play-do, Aunt Jodie feeds them forbidden candy-corn, etc.) but I do also like the occasional behind-the-scenes episodes like last night's "How We Got Here"... it's fun seeing all that home movie footage, like it makes reality tv more realistic, you know what I mean?

• Young Kate... whoa. Was it just me, or her young with long blonde hair, didn't she look just like Kendra, one of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends from the Girls Next Door?
• The Mystery of Kate's Missing Parents. Still sounds fishy, esp after Kate's VAGUE explanation of why we never see her parents. Anyone think there's some situation she doesn't want publicized? Part of me is curious to know, but another part of me likes them so much, I'm like, Oh, just let 'em have their secrets. (as if they're my actual friends)
• Yes, Aaden, having an "accident" on the carpet. Hahahaaaa. And plus he's laying right on the same spot. I'm pretty sure you hear the producer in the background go, "That's digusting!"
• The Christmas presents. Omg, Kate squealing. SQUEALING. I thought there was something wrong with my TV. I was like, "Where the heck is that squeaking coming from? Oh, Kate's mouth."
• I'm confused. They got engaged on Christmas day? The scene right before that was from November, and Jon calls Kate his fiancee.

Miscellaneous Jon & Kate stuff that I stumbled upon online :

• Naptime Musings From Jon & Kate Plus 8 - Kate wrote this, it's posted on Orato.com -- a good read, hearing it from Kate's perspective
  
• Jon & Kate Plus 8: Golden Ratio Saves Kate - Yes, someone has theorized that the popularity of the show is because of Kate... and her perfect face. Apparently her face proportions fit the infamous Fibonacci sequence (Have fun with that, Davinci Code devotees).

Lost & Found Part 2 -- Putting out an APB on a Black Cardigan...

Add this to my public Lost & Found...

I'm officially putting out a Toni Ryan All Points Bulletin for my missing cardigan.

Here are the relevant facts about the night in question:

• Saturday, June 14, 2008, approximately 21:30, the Black Cardigan (BC) in question was brought along for a night of pub crawling. It had started to rain, and said BC had been known for providing ample coverage and warmth in various weather conditions.


• Revelry ensued.


• Approximately 22:45, arrived at Alchemist & Barrister (A&B) in Princeton with said BC. Immediately placed BC over the back of barstool.


• Continued revelry ensued.


• Arrived home and realized that BC was not in my posession. Contemplated returning to bar to look for sweater, but wisely opted not to due to effects of said "revelry". Called bar, staff person advised calling back in the morning.


• Slept through morning


• Sunday afternoon, returned to A&B to find the BC had still not been recovered.


• Possible abduction or Lohan-style theft is currently being considered.

Pertinent facts about BC:

• Black


• Long-sleeved "tissue-weight" knit cardigan, with large black buttons starting at chest.


• Falls to mid-hip


• Pockets


• Purchased last year off clearance rack in Old Navy. Chance of re-purchase is 0%


• Perfect for transitional weather


• Perfect on airplane rides


• Perfect right now in the studio where it's freaking cold


• Perfect on cool summer nights


• Perfect for layering


• Perfect under jackets


• World's Best Sweater


• I miss you sweater :(

Any assistance in this matter is appreciated in advance.

Church isn't a fashion show. That's why it's called CHURCH and not FASHION SHOW.

So I was at church yesterday (yeah yeah, go ahead with your jokes) and the girl in front of me had on THE SHORTEST SKIRT EVER.

A ruffly little number that might've looked cute paired with a little tee and matching flip flops... walking down the boardwalk on a hot day... but not at church of all places!

I'm not sure how old she was, but I'm surprised no one in her family thought anything of it. They were all dressed pretty conservatively (appropriately, even for a hot day sitting in church), so I was kinda surprised they let this kid out the door. She was kinda moving about so you could nearly catch glimpses of her hiney. It was very distracting, and I was fighting the compulsion of saying something. The only thing that stopped me was the image of me being the crotchety old lady who should just butt out. (No pun intended)

Look, I don't know much about the Vatican 1, 2, and 3.5 (or whatever they are, they don't teach you those nuances in Catholic school), but I do know depending on where you go, and the time of day, you can get away with tee-shirt, jeans, sneakers, etc. etc. But I'm pretty sure supershortminiskirt may be a no-no. Heck, it'd be a no-no in the workplace, that's for sure!

The pic I posted up there is actually generous. It was even shorter than that.

"How I Raised Two Hussies and One Normal Kid"

Lynne Spears is back to working on her book, a memoir on raising her two famous daughters. The book was put on hold back when her baby, er, mature 16-year old daughter Jamie Lynn announced she was with child herself.

Rejoice, people. It's out in September, and is going to be titled "Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World".

That's a stinky title.

It's also way too long.

I think we can do better, let me start:

• I'm Not My Kids' Boss
• My Kids Are Perfect (and I'm not just saying that)
• Parenting Without Borders
• My Kids Can Do No Wrong
• I'm Lynne Spears. 'Nuff said.

The Top 100 Million Rich People in the World

Check out GlobalRichList.com... you can see how wealthy you are compared to the world.

Quite fascinating, because they figured out that, based on data from the U.S. Census Bureau, if the median income of a person with a Bachelor's degree is $43,143... That salary would rank as 135,773,914th richest person in the world. Which might not seem like much, but when you figure there are 6 billion folks on earth, that puts the average American in the top 2.26% richest people in the world.

Bump that salary up $50,000... you're the 59,029,289 richest person in the world, putting you in the Top 0.98%

A person making $100,000 is already in the Top 0.66% of the Richest People in the World... and just being in this part of Jersey, you know people left & right are easily making that kind of moula.

Kinda puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?

Celebrity 100

So, ok we know who the losers are. Here are this year's "winners":

1. Oprah Winfrey - $275 million

2. Tiger Woods - $115 million
3. Angelina Jolie - $14 million
4. Beyonce - $80 million
5. David Beckham - $50 million
6. Johnny Depp - $72 million
7. Jay-Z - $82 million
8. The Police - $115 million
9. J.K. Rowling - $300 million
10. Brad Pitt - $20 million

Again, the list was based on influence, popularity, not just income. Which is why I don't get the business with The Police. 'Cause people still run around crying, "ROXXXX...annneeee!" ????

The Fall of Tom Hanks

What is UP with Forbes magazine? Don't they ever just talk about money and stuff like that? I only ever hear of them bc they seem to be always making up lists of nonsense stuff. Their latest? Celebrity 100.

Apparently, it's some annual list of the most influential stars, based on things like the star's earning power, how much buzz they can generate, and the amount of mentions they get on the media and on the web.

So, while this list has yet to be published tomorrow, we do know who did not make this year's list, and it includes a number of people who ranked on last year's list. What is this, high school? Way to hurt all these people's feelings in advance. "Nah nah, you're not on our popular list, you losers. You're all so Tom-Hanks! Has-beens."

Check out this year's list of fallen, and their ranking from last year.

• #11 Tom Hanks
  Poor guy, last year he almost cracked the Top 10, this year, POOF!


• #45 Adam Sandler


• #54 Vince Vaughn


• #60 Jessica Simpson


• #77 Scarlett Johansson


• #78 Jessica Alba
  I'm certain she'll make the 2008 list. Having a baby put her back on the gossip-rag map)


• #92 Jeff Foxworthy
  I still can't figure how he even made it on this list, but whatev.


• #95 Danica Patrick


• #98 Hayden Panettiere
  Well if Heroes ever came back from "break" then she'd still be on the list. When IS that show coming back?? People don't remember her. Oh wait, yes. She's the recent former-jailbait dating her 35 yo co-star who plays her uncle of all things.

If any of these people want to make it back on the list, they've got plenty of time to campaign for next year's list. I recommend the following methods:

• Have a baby


• Have another celeb's baby


• Go to rehab, for the sole purpose of coming out of rehab and leading a very public rehabilitated squeaky-clean life


• Do a reality show set in your home


• Date Lindsay Lohan

The workplace is the best place for free office supplies

19% of people admit to stealing office supplies from work... and of those people, 74% of them know it's wrong.

Please. 100% of them know it's wrong, those 26% are liars. It just that... well, it just happens. We take pens in passing, we walk away with pens.... Whatever. So, people take office supplies because they need stuff at home? Well, taking it from work just saved the company lost time spent going to Staples and waiting in line for a box of paperclips. Am I right, or what?

• 66% ... said they take pens, pencils, post-it's. Blah.
• 8% ... say they take big ticket items like cell phones & laptops.

OK, those are probably the same people who take towels from hotels.

So, I'm giving out Office Supply Theft Amnesty today. Confess here. I wanna know what you guys take from your workplace.

For my part, I don't think I've ever really taken stuff from work... maybe a ream of paper or some pens, but only to just end up doing work at home, so that kinda stuff doesn't count.

I will give a PST Tee-shirt to the next person that can prove they stole something from their office (like a massive desk or piece of machinery.)

I may or may not have stolen the tee-shirt from work.

Lost & Found. But mostly Lost.

I just read this amazing story about this guy in England who lost this gold Bulova watch during World War II, when he was on a warship. Lost it in the ocean. A couple of divers recently found it and sent it back to him... 67 years later!!!

How incredible is that? Apparently the watch was in perfect condition too, which is good. I don't know much about Bulova watches, but the warranty is likely to have run out.

So, I've decided to start a super-short list of the things that I've lost. If you can hook me up with these lost items, I'll send you a PST Tee-shirt, or something. You never know, right?

• Green peridot earring, surgical steel. Lost in 1989. This is one of the earrings I first got my ears pierced with when I was a kid. When I was a freshman in high school, I had a friend who thought it would be a great idea to pierce her own ears, so she needed some surgical steel posts to pop in her newly pierced ears afterwards. I volunteered my birthstone earrings. She tried to push the needle through her ear, couldn't do it, nearly passed out, and in the process, dropped the earring down the drain.
• Pair of pearl earrings (Yes, I lose a lot of earrings) with little diamonds. Lost in 1994. I put them in the pocket of my coat when I got on the Philly Phlash loop bus back in college. I wore a lot of vintage second-hand clothes back then, and this one had holes in the pocket. They were a gift from a relative -- no wonder why my mother always used to tell them, "Don't give her jewelry, she'll lose it."
• Olive green bucket hat from the Gap. Lost in 2004. I loved this hat. It was raining one night when I was headed to the Ivy Inn in Princeton, and I didn't want it to get dirty, so I put it on the shelf above the coat rack. Forgot all about it, even came back the next day to see if they'd found it. OK, fine. So I came back the next day for a drink, but who cares.
• Drop earrings made of concentric circles. Lost in 2007. And yes, yet another earring. Must've fallen out of my ear while I was being dangerous on the dance floor at KatManDu. Grrr.

Feel free to add your own items, I'll be on the lookout for them.

Jon & Kate Plus 8

OK, so I'm not caught up.

I sat down with my ice-cream sandwich in one hand, the Tivo remote in the other, all ready to watch last night's new episode, when I realized I had a "repeat" from Sunday about Memorial Day.... uh hello!

Was that really a repeat? I've never seen this episode! And obv it's from Mem Day 2008, the kids look like they're practically ready to hit high school!

OMG, it's like they're growing up so fast!! The fact that they strapped themselves into the family diesel-mobile on their own. Jump to the end when Kate was lamenting that time had gone by so fast, and she just wants to hang on to their childhood. I imagine it is both a relief that they're growing up and getting self-sufficient, and also quite sad for her! Hey, it's sad for ME and I don't even know these people!

• Forgetting the kids in time-out. HAHAH so funny. Little Leah just sitting there. How cute was Aaden to come over and give her a hug. Aw I love that Glasses Baby!
• Alexis at breakfast, crying for the bagel: "(Wah)I... want....(wah)....a...(wah) bay... (waaaah) gulll..... I.... WANT..... A.... BAY..... GULL!" Jon's follow-up was the best "Repeating gets you into Time Out".
• Holy Cara with the meltdown over the icecream. Did not see that coming! That kid is always such a sweetheart, I hate when she gets like that.
• Leah talking about why big girls have big "boops" HAAAAAH I'm LOL'ing now thinking about it.

Can't wait to see last night's Jon hair episode.

We need our sleep goshdarnit!!

The National Sleep Foundation fuond that more than half US women say they sleep well only a few nights a week, or even less.

Damn shame.

They also found that getting sleep is "generally last on a woman's list of priorities".

Here's what keeps women up before they can get to bed:

• 87% watch TV <---yes, that's me too. Big problem, especially when the Tivo is full of stuff to watch
• 60% spent on housework
• 37% activities with kids
• 36% activities with other family
• 36% the web <--- same for me again. Nothing worse than looking at one thing online... and suddenly realizing 2 hrs have gone by just looking at other nonsense or reading email
• 21% on work <-- yes been guilty of that too.

Most of that family/kids stuff doesn't apply to me. Although, as a single gal, I do deal with the middle-of-the-night calls & messages that wake you up, and then the associated stress that goes along with dealing with and thinking about the guy who only contacts you at a godforsaken hour. I finally told said late-night-caller to knock it off, so hopefully I will be getting more sleep in the near future.

How did "worrying" not show up on this list?? I've also been up way too late caught up in a really good book.

What keeps you up at night, ladies? (And keep it clean!)

When ladies take the kids to the pool....

Thank you, Japan, for sushi, Harajuku girls, and karaoke. And now, especially, thanks for the Magical Water Princess a wall-mounted device that goes in the ladies room stalls to mask the sounds of... well you know.

So picture it... you "gotta go", and you're worried it will sound loud and quite un-lady-like, so you wave your hand over the sensor, and the Magical Water Princess plays what they describe as the soothing sounds of flushing, rushing water. Basically a pre-emptive toilet flushing without actually flushing the toilet. Water conservationists everywhere just let out a collective "HAZZAH!". (nerds, all of you.)

The THING IS... everyone in there already knows what everyone else is doing! This may shock you, but no one ever actually goes in there to "powder their nose". (That practically surprises you guys out there as much as it does to find out that, YES, girls may actually do a #2. )

I don't remember the last time I ever actually witnessed a nose being powdered. Girls who aren't in there in need of a Magical Water Princess usually are either washing their hands, fixing their hair, or touching up their makeup. Nose powdering sounds so ancient.

OK, so as promised, here is the bad boy in action:

I could set my own world record

Congrats to 63 year old Gwilym Hughes over in Wales. He watches 14 movies a week, thus earning him a place in the Guinness Book of World Records". After watching his first movie in 1956, he's since seen a total of 28,075 films.

Show off.

His favorite movie? Lawrence of Arabia. Yawn.

Puts me to shame. I've been on a TV spree with my Tivo, so I've been neglecting my Netflix movies... some which I've had for nearly a year. I could set my own world record!!! Longest time with a movie from Netflix.

This is what it'll say on my Guinness entry:

Since 2007, she's seen a total of 0 Netflix films. Her favorite movie? Sure as hell isn't Lawrence of Arabia.

I have yet to beat my own personal Netflix record, when I had Vin Diesel's Pitch Black at home for over 12 months. I'm pretty certain I paid for that movie at least five times over, I shoulda just kept it.

So, to get re-invigorated about what's in my queue (did I spell that right?) I re-ordered the movies on my list, so I could get excited about Netflixing again. Top of my list? Disturbia, Ocean's Thirteen, Gone Baby Gone, The Golden Compass, and Becoming Jane. I'm hoping that will get me over the Netflix "hump".

Anyone got any other good movie recommendations?

Senior Pranks... proving we were ready to be adults.

It's that time of the year for Senior Pranks... and a group of seniors in Seattle broke into the school library in the middle of the night and pulled all the books from the shelves and dumped them in the middle of the floor.

Whoa, you know there is some blue-haired librarian that walked in the next morning and had a coronary. Although, I like to imagine that their librarian is some militant b-word that went ballistic the next morning and ran through the halls insanely screaming, "NEVER MESS WITH THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM!!!!"

Calls to mind my senior prank from high school... we thought it would a "brilliant" idea to camp out in the school parking lot and basically hold it hostage the next morning. Made all the underclassmen with drivers licenses miserable, because we wouldn't let them in. So it was like an asphalt camping party for what purpose, I don't know. And I'm sure I'm remembering it all wrong, so I expect the correction emails to be coming in shortly. What were we thinking?

The only thing that stands out is in finding stuff to do hanging out in a school parking lot on a weeknight, so I convinced my friend Chris to teach me how to drive stick --- a skill that I have since perfected, and has come quite in handy what with the ridiculous price of gas. Although, that night, the ugly sound of me grinding the gears on his Jeep is engrained in my head (and I'm sure he still hasn't forgiven me for it either!)

What's your story? I imagine it's better than mine!

Factoids on Fatherhood

In time for Father's Day, Men's Health has a bunch of fun Fatherhood facts, including this:
22% of men think kids should reimburse their parents for raising them. (The average cost of raising a child to 18 is $181,480. Um, can I pay you back later?)

Here's more:

• 50% of the average guys will become a dad
• 10% of the average guys will faint during the delivery
• 10% of the average guys videotape the blessed event
• 10% of men say they're not comfy handling a baby
• 10% of men experience postpartum depression, go figure
• The average number of kids the average guy has: 2
• 10% of men spawn more than 4 children
• 42% of dads spend less than 2 hrs a day with their kids
• The average father's top parenting fear: His kid will run with a bad crowd
• 90% of current fathers would still want kids if they had to do it over. Aww.

Jon & Kate Plus 8

If you'd had a conversation with me anytime in the last month, you'd already know I am in love with the show Jon & Kate Plus 8. I'm a woman obsessed, I am either talking about it or sliding in a reference to it, but it's like every conversation I'm even remotely involved in has to revolve around Jon & Kate (and the 8).

The deal: It's the reality show on TLC about this couple in Hershey PA with 8 kids - a set of 7 year old twins and 3 year old SEXTUPLETS. And the best (or worst) part is that the show is on ALL the time. My tivo is filled to the brim with episodes. It's better than watching fish in a bowl because it's so fascinating (plus the kids are totally adorable). It won't take long to get hooked, and only a little longer than that to be able to tell all the kids apart - even at 3 they have totally different personalities.


My fave: Aaden, the sextuplet boy with the glasses. He is just a little crackerjack, totally reminds me of the Jerry McGuire kid. He's got such a huge fan following (believe it or not) that he's got his own fan club on Facebook aptly titled "I Love the Glasses Baby from Jon and Kate Plus 8" . 1543 members who think the name of the show should be changed to "Glasses Baby and the other 9". Hhaaahah, he has gotta be the most popular 3 year old out there.

Do you watch? Who's your fave? And if you don't watch, tell me why you hate small adorable children (I'm joking).

Be a Human Polygraph

Ahh, more "tips" on how to spot a liar.

According to "Your Guide to Marriage" , here's another list for ya (I had posted a shorter list a while ago-- and frankly, I liked that one better)

• Touching chin, or rubbing their brows.
• Crossed arms or legs.
• Playing with hair.
• A line of perspiration on the brow if it isn't a warm day.
• Saying "no" several times.
• Continual denying of accusations.
• Being extremely defensive.
• Providing more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked for.
• Inconsistencies in what is being shared.
• Body language and facial expressions don't match what is being said such as saying "no", but nodding head up and down.
• Smugness.
• May place a barrier such as a desk or chair in front of self.
• Uncommon calmness.
• Unwillingness to touch spouse during conversation.
• Being hesitant.
• Slouching posture.
• Rigidity or fidgeting.
• Differing behaviors. Not acting in a usual fashion.
• Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements.
• Partial shrug.
• Lack of finger pointing.
• Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure.
• Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like "um" or "y'know".
• Lack of use of contractions. Prefers emphasizing "not" when talking.
• Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you, or turning away from you while they are talking. However, some honesty experts, like Stan Walters, say that measuring eye contact isn't an effective tool in detecting deception.
• Lack of many pronouns while talking.

Hahha this list SO long and elaborately detailing like every nervous tic out there... it makes it seem like every conversation I've had my whole entire life were full of lies!

Lay out on the basement floor... naked

"What's your favorite way to cool down on a hot day?"

A Woman's Day poll revealed...

• 30% said "Sip ice-cold lemonade"
• 30% "Jump in the pool"
• 27% "Sit in front of the A/C"
• 13% "Eat an ice pop"
  

I'm surprised the following did not show up on the list:

• "Hide inside a refrigerator"
• "Lay out on the basement floor, butt naked"
• "Hang out in a huge, air-conditioned furniture store where they encourage you to try out their mattresses"
• "Press face up against a toilet bowl basin"
• "Take bags of frozen veggies out, and lay them on your limbs. When the veggies start to thaw, put them back in the freezer, and move on to the frozen meats, then repeat cycle. No poultry, that would be irresponsible."

I'm sure I can count on you to come up with more creative, modern solutions. I'm fresh out.

Goat Cheese Cheesecake?!

Synsepalum Dulcificum

Go ahead, say that ten times fast.

It's a berry that makes veggies taste sweet -- and I'm so not making it up, it was in The New York Times.


At $2 a pop, it'll make veggies taste like candy, goat cheese taste like cheesecake, beer taste like chocolate, and hot sauce taste like a glazed doughnut. Yum.

Now they've even got this thing called "flavor tripping parties", where for $15 you can just stop by and try it out.

Eh, $15, not too bad. But I really didn't have an issue with the way goat cheese or beer tasted, and I'm not really the candy type, so I think I'll take a pass.

But in case you want in on it, here's the link for the self-proclaimed "Miracle Fruit man", he's your hookup.

"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of."

"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of."

A quote from Jane Austen - she's the bomb.

Forbes posted five jobs you wouldn't think get paid so well:

1. Air Traffic Controller -- the best make almost $142,000 -- avg salary $107,000. I wonder how much the worst one makes. Although you don't wanna go around being known as "the guy who's awful at his job in air traffic control, he messes up stuff all the time!"

2. College-level teacher - apparently you can make six-figs teaching psych or business, but economics teacher can command up to $135k a year! WHO KNEW? BORING PAYS!

3. Gaming Manager -- I guess this like a casino manager, like the really hot brunette on that show Las Vegas -- the best earn $106K a year. She makes the job look like a piece of cake, all you gotta do is walk around in killer stilettos and have your hair look pretty all the time. I could totally do that.

4. Farm managers make an average of $61K/yr... but the to 10% make $103,000.

5. And quit your jokes about Mile High clubs and barf bags --- FLIGHT ATTENDANTS (not stewardesses!) the best of them also average about $103K a year. How about them apples?!

fourth day, no coffee

i am trying. i'm not on my liquid fast anymore, just slowly adding in solid foods, but i got what i wanted out of it: to not feel so sluggish and bloated from all the processed crap/coffee/alcohol/sugar and all the other crap i eat.

i feel nice and clean, but not as peppy, so i might have to just give in to the coffee urge. it is nice not waking up with a caffeine headache (green tea is caffeinated) -- but lemme tell you, a cup o' green tea can't beat a good mug o' joe.

although it was stupid of me to do this when i knew i was meeting friends at kat over the wknd. did that with a glass of ice water in hand, and BOY was i freaking BORING to be with!!