I Know Someone on TV!

I love TV.

Ya wanna know just how much?

When it comes to anything TV, I am easily impressed. If you're in the back of a crowd mouthing "Hi Mom!" during a news broadcast, I totally want your autograph.
So obviously, this is where I am openly gushing about My Actor Friend Justin, who is back in Llanview as Wes Granger on One Life To Live.

There have been no exciting steamy scenes or face slaps to speak of, thus far (I love the soap opera face slap) but there has been some damn good acting. Here, watch for yourself! I found this clip on YouTube:

I hope they keep him in town for a while and turn it into something. I mean a show that's currently using all my favorite soap ploys (Evil Twin, Babies Switched At Birth, I'm In Love With My Assault Victim, and Thank God He's Not Really My Brother Coz I Am In Love With Him)... I'd love it if I had some insider access to some serious spoilers! (Although, for the record, he's been TERRIBLE at revealing plot secrets. Some friend.)

And since the show is fond of doing random musical numbers in their dream sequences, I hope he's around long enough to sing --- and if anybody out there knows anybody who'd have any say on that show... pass this along, he does a really awesome job singing George Michael's "One More Try". I wanna just whip out a lighter and start waving it, just thinking about him singing!!

SO.... He's #1 on my very short list: People I Know Who've Been on TV:

1. My Actor Friend Justin... from the reality competition I Wanna Be a Soapstar and now hunky Navy Seal on One Life To Live.
   
2. My pal Bob... a tornado ran a path through my town when I was in high school, and Bob's house was in the way. Part of the house was shredded, and Bob made it onto CNN. I am still in awe of his foray into network news!
   
3. My pal who was featured on a Before/After show prior to her wedding. I am being vague because she doesn't love talking about that particular fifteen minutes of her life.
   
4. My cousin the artist who was featured on a show that showcases artistic entrepreneurs. Also being vague here mainly because I forgot the name of the show.
   
5. Our very own PST Wake Up Crew. They were on Extreme Home Makeover, in a "Move That Bus" scene.

Isn't that such an impressive list?! LOL. In this day and age with reality shows popping up and left and right, I am really surprised I don't know more "People on TV". I'd love to know who is in your network of TV Friends.

Maybe we can play "Six Degrees of My Actor Friend Justin"...

I'll start here, as an example:

My dad knows the parents of those little kids from Jersey that competed on Dancing With the Stars' kids round. Dancing With the Stars is on ABC, which also has One Life to Live which my friend Justin is on.

Ick. Wait, maybe it should be:

Those DWTS kids' dad ... knows my dad ... who knows me... who knows Justin from OLTL!

OK, that's much better! Now, your turn.

Or, you can just brag about who you know, I'm totally cool with that.

2.50 vs. 2.5

... as in "Two-Fifty versus Two Point Five"

or: $2.50 vs 2.5 [miles]

That's the decision I had to make today when I pulled at my bank's drive-through to discover that "This ATM is temporarily unavailable". This sad news was also accompanied by my nearby ATM options, and the first and closest choice was my bank's next nearest location, 2.5 miles away.

So I had to think about that. Do I want to drive the 2.5 miles to avoid The Fee? Or just buck up and go back to the office, where there's a bank located right in my office building, and just pay The Damn Fee.

(And,it's always fun when the machine hits you up for a fee, then your bank hits you up for another fee. All in all, just to acquire $20 I already lawfully possess could cost me five dollars just so I can hold said legal tender $20-bill in my hand. WHAT A SCAM! I HATE YOU FDIC!)

So, I sat at the intersection of "My Office on The Left" and "Two-Point-Five Miles to the Right, To Avoid The Fee" and my life began to flash before my eyes. Well, not my entire life, just the moments when I've made hare-brained choices trying to pick the lesser of two evils. (Or in my case, the more insane choice, because I am completely crazy.)

• Like driving fifteen minutes out of the way to get the cheaper gas


• Going to the farther Dunkin Donuts because the lady always gives me extra Munchkins


• Overtipping the lady who waxes my eyebrows, especially when I've waited way too long between appointments. (I mean, like 80% kind of overtipping, because I'm feeling so guilty that my brows are Yeti-like)


• Rushing like a madman to get to the store before they close because my coupon's about to expire


• Driving north, then east for a half an hour to get to work, even though the office is south and west, all to avoid sitting in traffic.

See, in my head, all these nutty choices make sense to me. Like driving in the wrong direction to work, I can always pass the cheaper gas (which I'll need when I double-back to get to the office). The wax lady will be gentler to my hairy brows in the future since I fund her next bar tab. The coupon that expires will never come back to life, and the gas used in driving past two Dunkin Donuts in order to get free Munchkins is worth that feeling of triumph that I didn't pay for those two balls of sugar and starch.

But that's just me.

So, long story longer, I drove the Two Point Five miles. Got my twenty bucks. Didn't pay the fee. Passed the cheaper gas. And I got back to the office half an hour later than I woulda liked.

But so what? It was either give up the Half Hour or give up the The Fees going back to my bank, which shall remain unnamed.

I chose to give up the Half Hour. I mean, after all those fees they've already taken from me over the last ten years, it's not like they're ever gonna rename their place downtown to the Toni Ryan Spectrum.

I'm just sayin'....

Black Tongue? Don't Panic.

Woke up with a BLACK TONGUE today.

Ever happen to you? If it ever does, don't panic. Don't panic, mainly because I'm certain I panicked enough for an entire planetful of black tongue surprises.

Long story short: CHEWING PEPTO BISMOL TABLETS causes your tongue to be black.

Popped one before bed after an enormously huge meal at TJ's. Enormously huge, and enormously awesome. Overate in a way that would make Mr. WeightWathchers roll in his grave. Oh, and then I got home and started to do the gripping double wham-bam drama combo of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters, and just started reaching into my bag of leftovers... Next thing I knew, it was 1AM and I was like trying to force a huge burp thinking to myself, "Oh my God what did I do!!?!!??!" Woke up this morning feeling right as rain. Well, at least I did until I looked in the mirror. Nearly passed out, I was so freaked out.

And don't bother asking me for the chemistry specifics, because I got a D in High School Chem. But I am bright enough to copy/paste the link to this blog where I got my answer (and also unwittingly found myself an erstwhile Black Tongue Support Group)

It's only been minutes since I got the scare of my life, but since I realized I'm not dying, now I wanna go to Disney World!!!

But first, gotta scrub off that danged tongue!!!

The Old List

I know I'm old. Here's why:

• I have a mending basket. Stuff that needs to be stitched, buttons replaced, etc. Today I consciously noted the hole in my sock and didn't think twice about tossing it. Immediately thought, "Put it in the mending basket". Economy's not that bad, people. I own twelve more of the same sock.
  
  
• I take sugar packets. (On occasion.)
  
  
• I lecture little kids who are being rude and impolite in public.
  
  
• I am knitting an afghan. Granted, I started it four years ago and it remains unfinished, but I have it. It's in the knitting basket. (Not to be confused with the mending basket)
  

And that's just me getting started!!! I am stopping there because I am getting myself upset. In a few minutes, I might start crying.

But at least I have that Kleenex that I tucked in my sleeve.

Final thoughts on Halloween

Just gotta get a few things off my chest so we can put Halloween to bed til next year.

First of all, as a person without kids, Halloween is obviously less of an event to me than it might be for other people. Well, aside from the convenient excuse to dress slutty, while couching it in a way that says it's supposed to be a "costume". It's the one day when I can get away with fishnet stockings, wearing pleather, or act like a complete skeeze. But I digress.

This is to all you in-between kids who are out and about trying to score free sugary treats. You ungrateful, sassy-mouth, pubescent twerps who are sucking all the real fun out of Halloween for all the little kids who actually get filled with joy over a roll of Smarties. If you are on the prowl on Halloween genuinely looking to take part in a fun time-honored tradition, take heed of a few guidelines:

• Is NO Costume, the New Costume? What is that about? Wearing your street clothes and expecting me to give you something for free makes you sound like a little thug. Or worse, a homeless person. Wearing your street clothes and wearing a mask is also not a costume. Wearing your street clothes and no mask, but telling me it is a costume is also not a costume. Oh, and dressing slutty, little girls, is only for grown-ups. Cover yourself, for heaven's sakes!
  
• A little enthusiasm, maybe? Sullenly barking out, "TRICK OR TREAT" at me will not compel me to give you candy. Even worse, silently pushing your pillowcase in my face will also be met by my ire. And for a short person, I have plenty of ire.
  
• Manners, too, would be appreciated. I don't need you to pull Eddie Haskell theatrics,but a simple and genuine Thank You would sure be nice. Much better than you making a run for it as my expensive candy is still falling into your cavernous bag of loot. That mad dash from my doorstep without a word of thanks makes you look like criminal-in-training.
  
• And finally, if those three requests are too much for your angst-ridden sensibilities, then just pretend to be polite and thankful for the free candy. Is that too much to ask??

So until next year, you little brats, stay away from my door!