Tuesday, August 19
This man just may win a gold medal. Or chocolate wrapped in gold.
Now is that the face of a winner, or what?
So what that he looks like a dope. He's the Olympic hopeful from the French Table Tennis team. Yes. Ping pong. It's an Olympic sport.
How in heck did I forget that?
I've seen Forrest Gump like a billion times.
Oh, but wait! There's more gems from the Beijing games:
Australia will NOT BE BESTED BY THE FRENCH, goshdarnit! Not when it comes to PING PONG!!!!
Well, ok, is it obvious? I'm not showing much respect for an Olympic-level competition that could be amply underway in my parents' basement. It's ping-pong for godssakes.
I think the part that I can't wrap my head around is that the blessed Olympic medal that someone will earn in this sport will be the same size/shape/value as the one the decathlon guy is gonna take home. Yes, the guy who will beat the world's best in ten of the most challenging track & field events will be wearing 'round his neck the same medallion the ping pong guy will be wearing.
Maybe this is why I am not an athlete, 'coz I don't get it, not at all. OK, don't freak out, I'm not saying ping-pong, er, table tennis, is like, easy or anything. (At least, not out loud, I'm not.) But c'mmmonnn, is that cool?
Like, maybe they should revamp the whole Olympic thing and then rank all the sports in order of difficulty-ishness. Then, give out commensurate awards.
Like a First Tier Olympic sport would be the Decathlon. Freestyle swim. The Balance Beam. Any team sport involving synchronization. Second Tier would be all other team sports (sorry, Olympic Baseball), any one-on-one combat style competition involving physical contact (uh, hi, Judo), archery, equestrian, etc.
The Third tier, would be badminton, rhythmic gymnastics, and table tennis.
Then, depending on what tier your sport was in, you'd get an appropriate level of an award.
Like a huge, mother of a gold medal (I'm thinking, like the size of a dinner platter) would go to the girl who won the 100m and the dude who led in the butterfly stroke. Maybe it should be encrusted with Swarovski crystals. BLING!
The fencing champ along with the entire winning field hockey team would take home a gold similar to the one they use now. Ditto for the soccer team, the basketball team, and the top boxer, as well as everyone else in the Second tier.
Then Third tier winners would get a slightly smaller medal. Maybe, to make them feel better, it turns out to be a piece of chocolate wrapped in gold. But it should be really really good quality chocolate. And maybe real gold wrapping. Maybe also, the inside of the wrapper should be printed with the message, "You're a winner!"
So there it is: Toni Ryan's Official Take on Possible Changes to Future Olympic Games. And I'm on a roll. Does anybody out there know anybody who might know a guy about openings on the Olympic Planning & Revamping committee?
...'Coz I've got way more "winning" ideas up my sleeve.
Like if ping-pong has made the grade, what about foosball ???
After all, it is table soccer.
... Says Toni Ryan